


You Stole My Heart (we had a summer fling)

by Madd4the24



Category: Kpop - Fandom, Super Junior
Genre: Alternate Timeline, Alternate Universe, Angst, Crossdressing, Humor, Kyuline, M/M, Mistaken Identity, Romance, general ridiculousness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-07
Updated: 2015-10-11
Packaged: 2018-04-19 14:55:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 32,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4750496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madd4the24/pseuds/Madd4the24
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It started with a dare, to retrieve in person, a signed autograph from Korea’s hottest boy group Super Junior. The problem was,  Kyuhyun had genuinely though disguising himself as a girl to avoid public embarrassment was a great idea. He’d never intended to catch Siwon’s eye, to then capture his heart, or be the potential cause of not only a career ending scandal, but a broken spirit. And he most certainly wasn’t the girl Siwon thought he was.</p><p>(Or alternatively: Life Lessons about Cross Dressing)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One: Kyuhyun

“This is the worst day of my life.”

Kyuhyun scoffed and reached forward to pull down the car’s passenger side visor, popping open the mirror. He carded his fingers through his bangs and tried to perfect the style he’d settled on an hour earlier. He turned his head to one side, then the other, admiring his appearance, and asked the boy in the driver’s seat, “How long have you known me?”

Changmin, with the foulest, dirtiest look he could possibly conjure up, continued, “This is worse than my twelfth birthday party, the one where only you showed up.”

Kyuhyun, satisfied with his hair, responded, “Fifteen years now, right? So when have you ever known me to back down from a dare?” He reached for the peach colored bag at his side.

Changmin closed his eyes, sinking a little in his seat. “Worse than getting the chickenpox at fifteen. In June. And missing the whole summer.”

“Do you think this color matches my lips?” Kyuhyun held up a tube of pink lip gloss.

With a deep sigh, Changmin added, “Even worse than studying for our college entrance exams for six months, only to oversleep my alarm on the first day and have to beg for admittance. On my knees. With everyone watching.”

Kyuhyun shook the tube, then extracted the applicator smoothly. “I really don’t know why something like this still surprises you.” Kyuhyun pursed his lips as the gloss went on, coloring his lips perfectly. “Fifteen years and you still don’t understand that I refuse to back down from dares. Any dares.”

Changmin hid his face in his hands. “I hate you.”

Kyuhyun blew him a kiss, then held out the tube and asked, “You want some?”

Just as Changmin began making sounds of despair from the front of the car, Minho leaned forward from the back and stated, “This is why my mom doesn’t want me to hang out with you guys anymore. This is why.”

Tilting the visor mirror down a bit more, Kyuhyun gave his appearance a firm nod. He looked good. Better than good. The color of his wig was a little too pale for his tastes, more of a honey blond than anything else, but it worked with his natural skin tone, and the eyeliner he’d applied earlier really made his eyes pop. His lips were the perfect shade of pink, and matched equally as perfectly to the flirty, frilly pink top he wore. He couldn’t get the mirror down any further, which meant taking in the full picture with the white, pleated skirt he wore was out, but his self confidence was already soaring. 

“We’re going to be late,” Kyuhyun said, pausing a moment, then adding to Minho, “I don’t take bets I can’t win, and I never back down from a dare.”

It could, Kyuhyun reasoned, sliding from the car expertly, wary now that he wore a rather short skirt and exposing himself was a real danger, be considered a character flaw of his that he never backed down. He almost felt compelled with dares, hedging it all on the fact that he was massively lucky most days, and skilled enough to take any challenge head on.

Changmin climbed from the car with a sniffle and said lowly, “I had to shave my legs.”

Kyuhyun looked down at his own. His skin was all smooth now where his legs were exposed to the warm August weather, and though it had taken a very long time, he’d managed to avoid any nicks or cuts when he’d shaven. The same couldn’t be said for Changmin when he rounded the car to Kyuhyun’s side to stand awkwardly in a fitted yellow sundress. 

“Why are we doing this again?” Minho asked, climbing from the car last. He’d swiped a girl’s high school uniform from his cousin and pulled at the length of the navy blue skirt nervously. 

“Because you love me,” Kyuhyun said, carefully arranging his wig’s long blond hair over his shoulders expertly. He suddenly wished he paid more attention to girls. Were they wearing it down these days? Or was he supposed to put it up? Braid it? Girl hair was so confusing.

Changmin gave a short snort. “Try again.”

“Because we’re best friends,” he kicked at Changmin with his heeled shoes, no longer wobbling in them after hours of practice the night before. 

“Not that one either,” Minho said.

Finally, with a deep sigh, Kyuhyun said, “Because if I lose this bet I have to give Jonghyun my laptop for a week. Said laptop has an incredible amount of compromising videos of the two of you that Jonghyun will not only see, but show to the world, if but given the chance. So that’s why you’re here with me right now, looking very pretty if I may say so myself.”

Voice lethal, Changmin repeated, “I hate you.”

Minho gave a firm nod. “I should have just hung out with Taemin today. At least he doesn’t make me dress up like a girl.”

Kyuhyun gave a careful look around, watching the groups of girls streaming around them head towards the nearby shopping center’s courtyard. Most of them were chatting quickly and loudly, with posters and CDs in hand. 

“Look,” he told Changmin and Minho, pleasantly surprised that they both looked as good as they did. Neither could pass for being very pretty, but at first glance they’d be considered girls. It was good enough. “All we have to do is get in line, wait for our turn, and get something signed. We bring the signed items back to Jonghyun as proof that we did this, and for the next two weeks, his video game system is ours.”

Changmin’s face pinched. “I just don’t see why were had to dress up as girls. This is stupid.”

Kyuhyun flipped some hair over his shoulders expertly, just like he’d seen a girl across the street do a minute earlier. “No, this is the perfect solution to us surviving this with our dignity in tact.”

Minho plucked at the blouse he was wearing, “Are you sure those are the words you want to use for this situation?”

Huffy, Kyuhyun said, “If we go in there dressed as boys we’ll stick out like a sore thumb. I guarantee you there are at least a hundred girls we go to school with who will be there, and if we get recognized, it’ll get around school and we’ll never live it down. No, this is smart, not stupid. We go in there dressed like this, our oppas will think we’re pretty and charming and they’ll sign all the stuff we need them to sign, and we can get out in a matter of hours. Does this make sense to you two?”

“Please,” Changmin said, looking a little queasy, “don’t ever refer to boys again as your oppas. Please.”

Kyuhyun batted his eyelashes at Changmin, feeling the mascara coated to them, and whined out, “But I really want oppa to notice me and like me. Maybe he’ll even want to make me his girlfriend!”

Minho gagged a little. 

Kyuhyun thought it was an exaggerated motion. “So hurry up, okay? We need to get in there. I bet the line is a mile long already.” He made to take a step forward then paused, catching Changmin’s arm seriously. “Wait.”

“What?” The short but pretty wig Changmin wore swayed a little. “What’s wrong?”

Kyuhyun brought his hands up to his chest, pushed at the stuffed area, and asked, “Are my breasts even?”

The wail that came from Changmin striking Kyuhyun over the back of the head was loud enough to echo for several city blocks.

Five minutes later they were in line, Kyuhyun was checking his makeup in the tiny compact mirror he’d stolen from his sister’s bedroom, and Minho was saying quietly to Changmin, “I had no idea they were this popular.”

A roar of female chatter surrounded Kyuhyun as he worried over his eyeliner smearing and his lipstick fading before he got to the head of the line. Or the sun’s heat ruining his foundation. How did girls keep their makeup perfect in extreme conditions? Was there some super secret girl memo he needed to obtain with all the answers?

A microphone crackled to life and Kyuhyun looked up towards the courtyard’s main stage. There were several long, white cloth covered tables set up, and though the three of them were pretty far back, Kyuhyun could just make out the figures slowly making their way to the tables.

Honestly, not that Kyuhyun thought admitting something like this was what guys, even friends, did on any regular basis, he was a huge Super Junior fan. Most boys his age were into Girl’s Generation, and typically for the short skirts they often wore, or cutoff shorts. But Kyuhyun had always preferred Super Junior. Their music was always smooth and harmonious. Their vocals were spectacular, their stage presence unforgettable, and their personalities had always been a highlight to Kyuhyun. He watched just about every music show they performed on, and all the variety shows that the members appeared on. He bought all their CDs, knew each of them by name, and was pretty much a fan boy.

In the name of honestly, this was why Kyuhyun had suggested completing the dare at the Super Junior signing event. 

When else would he get the chance to be so close to the men he idolized for their vocals? Without fear of anyone judging him? If he was dressed as a girl he could tell them how much they meant to him, maybe even how much he loved what they had come to represent in his life, and it wouldn’t be weird. Girls said those things all the time about male groups. Today, not only would Kyuhyun win the bet with Jonghyun, he’d also get the experience of a lifetime.

“I should have worn stockings,’ Minho complained, pulling again at his skirt.

“Stop it,” Changmin hissed at him. “You’re not the only one suffering here.”

Kyuhyun ignored them both, smoothing down the material on his shirt. He could do this. He’d done far worse in the name of dares in the past.

It took at least another hour and half before they were close to being at the front of the line, and by that time, much to Kyuhyun’s duress, Changmin and Minho had clearly decided to pass the time by taking photos of him in his clothes.

“It’s insurance,” Changmin said, angling his phone’s camera up to get a better picture, “in case this falls through and we’re the laughing stock of Seoul for the next fifteen years. I want to be able to pass out copies of these pictures any time someone wants to make fun of me, to remind them that you’re the biggest fool here.”

“Or,” Kyuhyun cut back, “you just want to be able to tell your other friends that you actually managed to get a girlfriend over the summer, and then you’ll show them my picture.”

Minho snapped his own pictures of Kyuhyun. “I just want to be able to use these pictures as blackmail.”

The line gave a sudden, almost scary push, despite the marked pathway, and Kyuhyun almost lost his footing. He stumbled a little, heart beating harder, but righted himself with Changmin’s help.

“What was that?” he demanded, looking back over the crowd that was only growing in size, regardless of how long it had been since the start of the event. 

Minho gave Kyuhyun a trying look, “Super Junior are like the most popular group in Korea right now. You don’t think there are some crazy girls in this line?”

“I think,” Changmin cut in, “Minho and I are looking at one right now.”

Kyuhyun scoffed, then turned his attention back to the front of the line. It had moved just a bit more, enough that Kyuhyun could clearly see the members of Super Junior greeting their fans and signing autographs.

“Psst,” Kyuhyun whispered to Changmin when they were feet away from the signing table and his excitement was through the roof. “Do you have a napkin? Can you dab my forehead?”

Changmin made to smack him again, reminding quietly, “Just because you’re dressed like a girl, doesn’t mean you really are one.”

The hired security nearby waved Kyuhyun up to the table and he put his chin in the air, telling Changmin, “We’ll just see who oppa likes best after all this is said and done.”

Minho blanched and Changmin said, “I don’t want oppa to like me.”

In twenty years, Kyuhyun thought, they’d all look back on this and laugh. Twenty years.

It took some effort on Kyuhyun’s part, more than he really wanted to admit to, to keep completely calm as he approached the first member of Super Junion, Donghae.

With shaking hands he held out a CD for the man to sign, met his gaze and said truthfully, “I really love your voice.” He couldn’t be bothered to look behind him for Minho or Changmin. In fact they could have run off for all he cared. And as he moved from Donghae to Heechul, his knees started to shake a little.

Was this what girls legitimately felt when they got to meet their idols? Maybe it wasn’t so different from when boys did, after all.

Of course Kyuhyun was also very aware that unlike the other boys his age who might respect Super Junior for their musical contributions, Kyuhyun also particularly enjoyed the music videos when their shirts came off.

Neither from Changmin, nor Minho, nor his parents, had Kyuhyun ever hidden the fact that his preferences pulled distinctly towards men. He certainly didn’t advertise his inclination towards men, but he’d never been one to hide who he was, or be ashamed of himself. He wasn’t about to start with something important to who he was.

“Thanks for coming out,” Kangin said as Kyuhyun moved down the line, getting autograph after autograph. 

Until he reached …

True story: Kyuhyun had originally only started listening to Super Junion because his sister had a poster of them up in her room, and when Kyuhyun had seen the poster at seventeen, at the height of discovering his sexuality, he’d stumbled across the face of a god. The most attractive man he’d ever seen in his life.

Choi Siwon.

And here he was. 

Kyuhyun wasn’t sure he was breathing anymore, but he did know he was frozen in front of the tall, insanely attractive man.

“Hi,” Kyuhyun said softly, locking eyes with Siwon.

“I …” Siwon was staring back at him, a little slack jawed, almost in awe of something. “I’m Siwon.”

Kyuhyun slowly slid his CD over to Siwon for him to sign. “I know.” He hastily added, “Oppa.”

Oh, Christ, why was that such a turn on to him? Why was calling Siwon oppa doing it for him?

“Do you … have a name?”

Kyuhyun wasn’t sure what to do. His confidence was completely missing, no where to be found. None of the other members had asked for his name. And he hadn’t bothered to think one up, either ….

“I’m …” Kyuhyun panicked. “I’m Kyu … Kyung! Cho Kyungji . Call me Kyu.” A lie close to the truth would be his saving grace. And it wasn’t as if he’d ever see Siwon in person ever again anyway. At least not in a skirt.

He was in a skirt.

Heat flushed through Kyuhyun’s face as he looked down sharply. His skirt in all his recent excitement had ridden up a bit, above his knees and midway up his thigh. It was more skin that he’d ever shown in his life, regardless of the gender he was trying to portray. He wanted to pull it down, much like Minho had constantly been doing, especially when he traced Siwon’s eyes back to his skin.

“Kyu,” Siwon said, a smile opening up on his face. “You’re a fan?”

Changmin bumped into Kyuhyun and mumbled to him, “Keep the line moving. We’re almost done.”

They probably weren’t even supposed to stop for conversations. The event coordinator had told them all at the beginning that it was two to three seconds for each member they were allowed to have, but he and Siwon were coming up on half a minute now.

“Go around!” Kyuhyun hissed back at his best friend roughly. Then he turned back to Siwon, feeling a rush of bravery, “I’m more of Leetuek oppa’s fan, but I thought I’d stay for the rest of you, too.”

Siwon let out a laugh, revealing perfect teeth and Kyuhyun thought it was only appropriate that he swoon, given that everyone thought he was a girl.

“Oh, really?” Siwon asked. Then he called down the line, to Leetuek who was free from fans at the moment, “Hyung, I’ve got your biggest fan down here! Be sure to treat her right!”

“I didn’t say I was his biggest fan,” Kyuhyun cut back, taking back the signed CD from Siwon. “And there’s always room for adjustment on the list.” He smiled back at Siwon, and tried to do all the things he’d seen girls do with boys they liked. This was his only chance to be able to flirt with Siwon in public without making a spectacle for either of them. So he twisted his hair between his fingers, stubbed his toe lightly on the ground, elongated his neck, and …

Here came one of Super Junior’s managers. He was making a beeline for them, Kyuhyun could see him coming with a thundercloud above him, and that meant their time was over. It only took Kyuhyun a second more to realize why. He’d clearly held up the line for everyone else, and angry murmurings were starting behind him.

“Well, it’s very nice to meet you,” Siwon said, holding out his hand for Kyuhyun.

They weren’t supposed to touch, right? Kyuhyun reached for him anyway, putting his hand in Siwon’s, eyes widening as the back of his hand was kissed chastely by soft lips.

Then the crowd surged suddenly behind Kyuhyun. Shouting broke out, the PA system crackled to life calling for peace and calm, and Kyuhyun found himself thrown forward into the table as Minho crashed into him.

“Are you alright?” Siwon demanded, getting to his feet and reaching across the table for Kyuhyun’s arm to help him up.

“I’m--” He meant to say fine. A little roughhousing wasn’t untypical between boys, and Kyuhyun had had enough of it as a kid to handle whatever a couple of crazy girls threw his way. Only maybe he couldn’t because pandemonium broke out in another second and he screamed loudly as something much harder than Minho slammed him again into the table, making his hips ache.

The table overturned a second later and Kyuhyun was flying over with it, screaming again, along with Minho who’d been next to him. The members of Super Junior in front of them jumped back, and all the crazy girls behind them turned everything to utter chaos.

“I’ve got you!” a warm, deep voice rumbled in his ear, and suddenly Kyuhyun wasn’t falling anymore. He wasn’t even on the ground anymore. Instead he was swept up into strong arms, the kind that he’d never been in before, and they were making a mad dash for the nearest store.

“My friends!” Kyuhyun called out sharply, trying to look back for them. Minho was tall for his age, but he was still Kyuhyun’s kid brother of sorts, and Kyuhyun couldn’t imagine not being there to protect him. And Changmin. He was no fighter. If the crowd was swarming back at the courtyard, Changmin would never hurt a girl to save himself from an injury.

“I only care about you right now,” Siwon huffed out.

He was carrying Kyuhyun, one arm locked under his knees, the other around his waist, like he weighed nothing. This was not the case, Kyuhyun knew. In fact, with his height and body structure, he’d looked a little odd dressed as a girl. He was no light weight, and it was kind of amazing how effortlessly Siwon was carrying him.

“In here!” Leetuek called out, all but pushing Siwon and several other members of Super Junior into a department store before several workers slammed the security gate down.

“Holy hell,” Heechul barked out, hands on his knees, breathing deeply. “What just happened out there? I thought there was supposed to be security!”

Leeteuk looked around, taking into account the members who were present, and then settling on Kyuhyun’s form. He asked Siwon, “You brought her with you?”

“She would have gotten hurt,” Siwon said more than a little defensively, finally settling Kyuhyun on his feet, turning to ask him, “Are you okay?”

With a sigh, Kyuhyun asked, “Is it always like this where you guys go? We almost got killed back there.”

Leeteuk’s eyebrows rose. “I’m … sorry?”

Kyuhyun cracked a smile. “No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that.” He was still shaken from almost getting mobbed by Super Junior fans. And he was worried about Changmin and Minho.

“You’re not okay,” Siwon said suddenly, catching Kyuhyun’s wrist and pulling it up so the ripped skin across his palm was visible. “You didn’t say you fell.”

“When would I have time to mention that?” Kyuhyun asked shortly. He closed his eyes calmed himself, then said, “It happened when I got pushed to the table by the crowd. I caught myself on the ground. It’s nothing.”

Leeteuk put a hand on Siwon’s shoulder and said, “I’m going to go see if I can get in touch of any of our managers, or at the very least the others. See if this place has a first aid kit. For right now, she’s our responsibility. Take care of her.”

Kyuhyun bristled at that. He was no one’s responsibility but his own. Did girls honestly like it when boys said things like this? It sounded condescending to Kyuhyun.

They were in a sporting store, the walls lined with all kinds of sporting and safety equipment, and thankfully the store did have a fully stocked first aid kit.

His hand still on Kyuhyun’s wrist like a lifeline, Siwon led him back to the employee break room before setting the first aid kit down and opening it.

“I take it this was your first signing event?” Siwon asked, turning Kyhyun’s hand over to expose the torn and bleeding skin.

Kyuhyun winced a little at the sight, but admitted, “It was. How’d you guess.” His hands absolutely weren’t dainty like a little girl’s. They were a little calloused, too, from sports and handiwork and simply being a boy. But if Siwon noticed, he didn’t say anything.

Kyuhyun was still having trouble wrapping his head around the fact that he was sitting less than a foot away from Siwon, the most handsome man Kyuhyun had ever seen in his life. The man Kyuhyun had had a crush on for years.

“Your eyes,” Siwon said kindly, probing an alcohol pad against the wound.

Kyuhyun cringed at the pain. “My eyes?”

“Your eyes.” Siwon bent and blew gently on the skin. “Better?”

This was … a drama? Was Kyuhyun currently living within a drama? Because there was no other explanation for his cross dressing, coupled with Siwon saving him, and now the very intimate act of having his wound cleaned by likely the most attractive person on the planet. This had to be a drama, the kind that his sister got all weepy over every day after school. What else could it be? Certainly not real life.

“Better,” Kyuhyun choked out, because it really did feel good when the cool air met his skin. It dulled the pain just enough for Kyuhyun to focus. Focus, at least, on the way Siwon hadn’t let go of his wrist, and how careful he was being, and how genuinely perfect this moment was in Kyuhyun’s life.

Siwon explained, “The girls who come over and over to meet us, the group that is, know all the tricks. They know how to eek out a few more seconds of time with each of us, how to get us to sign two, maybe three things, and they simply look seasoned. The ones that are experiencing it for the first time, like you, have wide, innocent eyes. There aren’t any expectations, just hopes. I like those fans the best. The ones like you.”

Kyuhyun tried to draw his hand back, but Siwon held it strongly. “I don’t …”

“I hope this doesn’t ruin your support of Super Junior.”

Kyuhyun frowned. “Why would I judge Super Junior based on the actions of their so called fans? That’s ridiculous.”

Siwon grinned again, reaching for a clean pad to wipe the alcohol away. “Good to know.”

“And,” Kyuhyun added, watching Siwon’s deft fingers work, “you may have possibly saved my life from crazy fan girls. If anything, that makes me even more of a fan, because I am too young to die.”

Regarding him carefully, Siwon asked, “How old are you? Are you a student?”

He’d stick close to the truth, he decided, and do his best not to lie to the man he’d been crushing on for years.

“I just finished my first year at university,” Kyuhyun said. 

“Studying what?”

“Music,” Kyuhyun admitted a bit bashfully. It was still a hotly contested topic in his household. His parents had wanted him to study something more dependable, like business, but Kyuhyun’s heart had always been with music, and not even his parent’s disapproval could change that. 

“Music,” Siwon asked, delight on his face. “You play an instrument? Or sing?”

Talking to Siwon was … far easier than Kyuhyun would have ever expected. Kyuhyun wasn’t actually sure why he’d built up Siwon in his mind as something of an untouchable force, but in reality he was carefully spoken, patient and generous, kind and so utterly normal. Normal was the least expected thing. 

“I feel stupid saying this to you, of all people,” Kyuhyun said, feeling his face heat again. “But I’m taking vocal studies. I’ve always loved to sing. I love everything about singing. I’m not sure what I’ll be able to do with that in my future, but I couldn’t see myself dedicating my life to anything else.”

Siwon’s hands stilled, his fingers curled over Kyuhyun’s, a surprised tone to his voice as he asked, “You’d like to sing professionally, one day?’

“Ideally,” Kyuhyun said, feeling his fingers twitch.

“That’s wonderful.”

Kyuhyun chuckled, “Believe it or not, I actually auditioned for SM. In another world, we could have ended up on the same label together.”

Siwon balked with laughter, releasing Kyuhyun’s hand finally to reach for a bandage. “So then why aren’t we?”

“SM told me I had talent, and potential, but they didn’t think I was the right fit for them.” Kyuhyun shrugged. “So instead of giving up, I auditioned again, the next year, and then the year after that.” Kyuhyun hated the pain he still felt in his heart when thinking about the wasted time he’d spent hoping. “But after the fourth time, I started to realize that it just wasn’t going to happen. And that’s life, I guess.” Kyuhyun frowned at the expression on Siwon’s face. “What?”

“Nothing,” Siwon said, making no attempt to hide how his smile had grown. He placed a bandage carefully over the wound on Kyuhyun’s hand. “You’re just …”

“What?”

Siwon shook his head, but eventually admitted, “There’s something about you, Kyu.”

The moment was shattered by the ring of Kyuhyun’s phone. Kyuhyun fumbled for it for a second, feeling a swoop of relief at Changmin’s name on the caller ID, and answered, “Are you okay? Is Minho okay? Where are you?”

Changmin answered back right way, “Where are we? Where are you? One second you were next to me, and then suddenly you were gone! Kyuhyun, your mom will kill me if I let anything happen to you. She depends on me to keep you in line.”

Kyuhyun rolled his eyes. “I’m fine.” He looked over to Siwon who was quickly and quietly cleaning up the first aid kit, and putting everything back in order. “I had someone looking out for me.”

“Who?” Changmin demanded roughly.

Kyuhyun stood, feeling his skirt ruffle around his thighs, and paced to the other side of the room. “That’s not important. Changmin, is Minho okay?” 

“We’re fine,” Changmin replied. “We got shoved out of the way, ironically enough, by the girls that were probably coming to sink their nails into you.”

Kyuhyun startled, coming to a stop. “Me?”

“Of course, you idiot.” Changmin made a frustrated sound. “Because while you were off having your moment with that guy from the group, the girls surrounding us were taking notice. You should know, this is totally your fault. That any of this happened. That all of it happened.”

Kyuhyun’s voice dropped to a whisper. “You think I caused this?”

Changmin let out a loud exhale. “That’s no important, okay? Christ, none of this is worth almost getting killed over. I’m with Minho at the car, security already cleared most of the people out and I think it’s safe to say the signing is over. You want to meet us back here? Or we can come to wherever you are.”

From across the room Siwon asked, “Is everything okay?”

Kyuhyun gave him a nod, then said to Changmin, “I’m currently holed up in a nearby store with a couple members of Super Junior. But if everything is all clear out there, we should be getting out pretty quickly.” He glanced down at the clock on his phone and made a face. “It’s almost three, Changmin. I have my shift at the café in forty-five minutes. You and Minho go ahead and leave. I’ll take the sixty-seven bus and call you later.”

Changmin gave a loud laugh. “And you’re just going to stroll into work looking like a girl, and not expect your boss to say anything?”

“For your information,” Kyuhyun said, keeping his voice low, “I plan to use the back entrance, and I have a spare uniform in my locker. I’ll be fine.”

Softly, Changmin said, “I could just drive you.”

“I’ll be fine,” Kyuhyun said one more time.

Leeteuk poked his head in the room and motioned for Siwon to join him outside, leaving Kyuhyun alone in the room.

“You don’t sound fine.”

“Well, I am.” Kyuhyun looked down at the blue, carefully placed bandage on his palm, and he remembered the way Siwon had been calm and gentle with him. Siwon had treated him like a girl.

Kyuhyun wanted to burn his clothes and wig. He wanted to cry a little, too.

“You’ll call me later?” Changmin asked. “You swear?”

“I swear,” Kyuhyun said, heading out of the employee room. After a few more steps he could see the store’s heavy front doors were open and there were quite a few more people in the store now. More members of Super Junior and their managers.

“Okay,” Changmin said. Then he hastily added, “And you’d better take care of this thing with Jonghyun. I mean it.”

“I know, I know. Bye.” Kyuhyun slid his thumb across the screen, ending the call, then tucked his phone away. It took only a second to spot Siwon, and Kyuhyun made his way to the man on wobbly legs. He’d been wearing the heeled shoes for so long he was starting to lose feeling in his toes. How did women wear them for entire days at a time?

Siwon turned away from Leetuek and Heechul the second he spotted him, and Kyuhyun greatly disliked how special that made him feel, considering Siwon likely only felt that way towards him because he thought Kyuhyun was a girl.

“Was is everything okay?” Siwon asked, his eyes raking over her form. “With your phone call?”

Kyuhyun waved his concern off. “Yes. My friend were just worried where I was. Hey, can I leave here yet?”

“Leave?” Siwon asked with wide, surprised eyes.

Kyuhyun gave a slow nod, blond hair falling forward that he pushed away with an annoyed feeling. “Leave. Go. I mean, I’m not going to get tackled by a desperate fan girl on my way out, right?”

It was Leetuek who cut in for a stunned Siwon, giving him a firm nod. “It’s safe for you to leave now. Please except our most sincere apologies that this happened to you while attending one of Super Junior’s fan meets. This is not--”

“Oh, please,” Kyuhyun said, not at all ladylike. “This was not your fault. Don’t take responsibility for someone else’s crazy.”

“Okay?” Leeteuk said, clearly surprised. “Thanks?”

Siwon turned to him and said, “See what I mean?”

Heechul, who’d been silent up until that point, gave Siwon a firm nod. “I really do.”

Part of Kyuhyun wanted to dissect whatever that meant, but he was tried now. His feet hurt, he was tired of how itchy the wig made his scalp, and he was ready to get back into pants. He’d gotten to meet Siwon, his crush, and the rest of Super Junior, who he respected and idolized. It was enough. 

Kyuhyun gave them each a deep bow and said respectfully, “Thank you for taking care of me.” Then he turned on heel and fled from the store as quickly as possible.

“Wait!” Siwon called from behind him, jogging at a quick pace. “Kyu! Wait!”

Kyuhyun was out into the nearly deserted courtyard by the time Siwon caught up with him. Kyuhyun could see all of the debris and destruction from the swarm of fans that had gotten the signing shut down. It was an impressive show of force, from the overturned tables to the paraphernalia left over. Kyuhyun realized belatedly that his own signed CD was out there somewhere, probably trampled to bits.

“Yes?” Kyuhyun asked, turning back. Kyuhyun was naturally tall, and with his heels, it put him up at Siwon’s height, and directly at eye level. “Did I forget something?” He frowned and said, “You don’t have to worry about my trying to sell my story to anyone, and I didn’t take any pictures of you guys. I’m not that kind of person, and I wouldn’t repay you helping me out with betrayal.”

“I know,” Siwon said, breathing a little heavier than normal. “I get that feeling with you.”

“Then what is it?”

Kyuhyun was caught off guard when Siwon reached out, his fingers pressing closed around Kyuhyun’s wrist. “Can I buy you a coffee?”

This was … unimaginable.

Kyuhyun’s head was spinning. “A coffee?”

“Or any other drink you’d prefer,” Siwon said quickly. 

Kyuhyun took a step back, his arm going tight as Siwon held on. “I don’t think--”

“Are you single?” Siwon asked boldly. “I wouldn’t be surprised if a girl like you had a boyfriend, but I’m hoping you don’t.”

A girl. Siwon was asking girl Kyu out, not boy Kyu. He wanted Kyungji, not Kyuhyun.

“I can’t,” Kyuhyun said firmly, pulling his wrist free. “I’m sorry. I’m really thankful you saved me, but I don’t want that kind of attention.” The kind that would explode around the both of them when Siwon found out Kyuhyun was only pretending and was hurt by it.

Siwon moved after him, desperation on his face. “I understand you’re not interested in the kind of media attention that might come from it, but we don’t need to publicize it. Agree to go on a date with me, a simple coffee date, and no one has to know except for us and one of my managers.”

The worst part, the absolute worst, was that this was something Kyuhyun had dreamed about before. He’d spent countless lazy afternoons picturing Siwon sweeping him off his feet, asking him on a coffee date or just acknowledging his existence. He’d kept secret how much he wanted any attention from the singer, but now he was getting it for the wrong reasons.

“I’m sorry! I can’t!” Kyuhyun turned on heel, at least as fast as he could. “We would both regret it!”

He already regretted dressing up for a stupid bet. He regretted meeting Siwon because of his undeniable crush.

He regretted letting his heart get hurt.

But mostly he regretted not looking back as he ran away, and not getting one last glimpse at Siwon before Kyuhyun vowed to cut him from his life completely. But he was truly to afraid that if he did, if he looked back, he’d see something to make him stop. And he couldn’t. He just couldn’t.


	2. Two: Siwon

He ended up seeing her, one lone person in a sea of thousands, almost a full hour before she saw him. It was possible his eye had caught her hair first out of instinct, honey blond and long just the way he liked hair on girls. In the world of pop music, most girls in groups dyed their hair at least once a promotional cycle. If anything, Siwon was trained now to be drawn towards bright colors and unnatural shades of hair, and intentional or not, that had done the trick with the girl.

But there was also a chance she’d caught his eye, out of the hundreds to thousands of girls, because of how he’d first seen her. She’s been fussing with her hair in a frustrated way, a look of adorable concern on her face. It was a good fuss, the kind that meant she didn’t often style her hair or do her makeup, or place any kind of value on looking good for others. It was the fuss of someone who simply wanted to make a good impression. The fussing indicated she was considerate, and not just a pretty face.

So he watched her, in between signing posters and CDs, in between joking with the members of his group he considered brothers. He watched her with her friends, and how she looked so determined, and god she was beautiful. Her face was something else.

Siwon saw thousands of girls at signing events all the time, but none had ever looked so pretty to him as the blonde did.

He couldn’t wait to meet her.

And when he did, he found out she had a great sense of humor. The nervousness was there, but also wit and intelligence.

If this was what infatuation was, then Siwon was long gone.

Cho Kyungji. Her name was Kyungji but she wanted to be called Kyu, and it suited her. She seemed like a fun girl, the kind who went by a nickname and was up for new adventures, and would constantly challenge the world around her. The only type of girl that Siwon was ever attracted to.

Therefore Siwon hadn’t even hesitated to lunge for her the second he realized what was happening around them. She was falling and he was terrified to let her. Whisking her off to safety, putting her first, was probably the best thing he’d ever done. 

Because he got to talk to her. He got to learn that she was even more prettier to look at than he had even first percieved, and that she shared the same passion that he did. She was just as smart as he’d assumed, at the university level, and she had drive, dedication and determination. She was … in essence, the total package.

So when Leeteuk, the hyung that Siwon looked up to more than anyone else, gestured him away from Kyu to demand sharply, “Just what were you thinking bringing her here?” he answered naturally, “I was thinking that maybe I’d stop her from being trampled, she’d be appreciative, and then we could get married.”

It was clear that Leeteuk thought he was making a joke, but it was Heechul, forever glued to Leeteuk’s side, who remarked, “You know, there are easier ways to pick up girls.”

Siwon gave him a stormy look, then turned to Leeteuk to say, “Hyung, you saw how the crowd was lurching towards us. If I hadn’t grabbed her when I did, she might have gotten trampled. Imagine the headlines. Imagine all the news reports saying that an innocent fan was trampled to death at a Super Junior fan signing. Hyung, I did us a favor.”

Heechul reasoned, “Actually, that’d be one way to get our name into the mainstream news. All publicity is good publicity.” 

This time it was Leeteuk’s turn to give Heechul a warning look. “Go check in with manager hyung, please. Ryeowook and Sungmin are still trapped on the other side of the plaza. We need to get everyone in one place before we can think about making a mad dash to the vans.”

On his way out, Heechul called back to Siwon, “You realize she’s not even really a blonde, right?”

God help him, Siwon nearly brought up his middle finger.

“Siwon,” Leeteuk said, laying a friendly hand on his shoulder. “I know you were acting with her best interest in heart, but we do not need another scandal. Who knows what she’ll tell people, and chances are, they’ll believe it. There’s no way there aren’t about a hundred photos of you carrying that poor girl all over the web by now. I’m almost afraid to look, honestly. If she says anything, we’ll be damaged by it.”

Siwon shook his head. He couldn’t explain why he felt like Kyu wasn’t one of the attention hungry girls out there, but he could absolutely claim he knew she wasn’t. “She’s not like that, hyung. I’ve been talking to her. She hasn’t asked me any questions, or wanted pictures, or anything.”

Leeteuk sighed. “Do think I didn’t see how you were looking at her earlier?”

“Like what?” Siwon asked defensively. Like she was the prettiest girl he’d ever seen? Of course. Why weren’t more people looking at Kyu like that?

He’d maim anyone else who dared to.

“Like,” Leeteuk eased out, “you want to drag the girl into our life style. You know that isn’t advisable.”

Siwon set his jaw. “She’s funny, hyung. She’s not just a pretty face. She’s smart, too. I … like her.”

“You’ve known her fifteen minutes,” Leeteuk reminded. 

“Hyung …”

In a low voice, close to a whisper, Leeteuk asked, “I thought you were … quite certain about your preferences.”

The truth was, outside of Leeteuk and Ryeowook, absolutely no one else knew that he preferred men to women. Not even his parents. Siwon had been fighting an internal battle between his religion’s philosphies and what he felt in his heart for years now, and it had taken a very long time to be comfortable and accepting of who he truly was. He was staunchly Christian, going to church nearly every Sunday, Wednesdays too, if he could swing it, and he believed in its teachings deeply. But he also knew that his attraction to men was not a learned behavior, and not anything that he could simply turn off. Not to mention it had never, not once, felt wrong.

He’d told Leeteuk, who was his closest friend and confidant, six months prior that he was absolutely certain that he preferred men to women. He’d been certain of it then.

However …

There was no denying that he felt a sexual attraction to Kyu. A romantic attraction.

So maybe he wasn’t gay. Maybe he was bisexual. Maybe there was no label for what he was, and trying to put a name on what he felt for certain genders was just pointless.

“I don’t know,” Siwon said honestly, with a shrug. “I just know I like her. I like her like I haven’t liked a girl in a very long time. I want to try with her, hyung, Please give me your blessing.”

Leeteuk ran a hand through his hair as Heechul wandered back over, bringing news of Ryeowook and Sungmin. “Siwon …”

And seconds later, when Kyu emerged out of the employee break room, looking adorably wobbly in her shoes, smoothing her bangs a bit, Siwon’s world crumpled. Because she was leaving, and all he could do was chase after her and beg her for a date. Losing her anyway, maybe because of the fame associated with Super Junior, or any other reason, felt like a knife to the heart.

“I take it there’ll be no wedding invitations going out soon?” Heechul asked when they were all together, climbing into the vans that would take them back to the dorms.

Leeteuk cuffed Heechul over the back of the head.

Feeling heartbroken, like he’d let something important slip through his fingers, Siwon ducked directly into his room having returned to the dorms, and didn’t come out for hours. No one bothered him, either, which was probably Leeteuk’s doing more than anything else.

In fact the only person who spoke to him the rest of the day was Ryeowook, who poked his head into Siwon’s room with a plate full of food and said, “I bet you don’t have much of an appetite, but you should try to eat something anyway.”

Siwon gave the food a once over. Ryeowook was an amazing cook, and his meals were to be savored, but it was true that Siwon was feeling a lack of appetite. “I don’t--”

“Eat, hyung,” Ryeowook said, then took a seat on the floor next to Siwon’s bed and said, “Leeteuk hyung told me what happened.”

Siwon mashed his chopsticks angrily into the rice. “And everyone out there is having a good laugh at my expense?”

“No,” Ryeowook said gently, watching Siwon play with his food more than anything else. “Well, Heechul hyung might have attempted it, but Leeteuk hyung told him off. It was pretty cool. Anyway, my point is, we know that you got turned down, and no one is laughing about it. I think we all know what it means to be disappointed.”

Siwon tried to remember their time together perfectly, and stated, “I just don’t know what I did wrong.” No one had ever turned him down for a date, not that Siwon made overtures often. As a celebrity and a representative of Super Junior, he had to be careful with picking his dates, but he’d never been outright rejected before. It stung badly.

“Maybe you didn’t,” Ryeowook rationalized. “Maybe she just wasn’t interested. There is always that possibility, hyung.”

Siwon picked a strip of beef up between his chopsticks and relayed, “I thought we were … I don’t know, relating or something. She’s got a passion for music the same as me. She’s smart and funny and she smiled at me like she liked me back. I really thought she liked me. I felt it.”

Ryeowook tapped a hand on his knee and pondered, “When did she make a run for it? After you proposed a date?”

Siwon nodded. “She said she didn’t want the attention. The media attention. Leeteuk hyung doesn’t have to worry about her spreading anything about us around. She’s not like that.”

“So she got scared off like a normal person?”

“Huh?” Siwon’s head cocked. 

With a small laugh, Ryeowook pointed out, “We’ve been in the business long enough to know not everyone is built for this, hyung. Not everyone can stand the constant attention, comments and the netizens. Especially the netizens. Most normal people, no matter how handsome you are, hyung, wouldn’t be interested in having their lives turned upside down just for a date.”

“I told her I wouldn’t let anyone know except for a manager,” Siwon replied.

Ryeowook asked, “And what proof did she have of that? You’d only just met. She doesn’t know your character or that you’re honorable. She may very well be afraid that you’re going to use her to keep Super Junior and yourself in the spotlight. That’s not an unrealistic fear, especially for someone who doesn’t know us. Who doesn’t know you.”

The food, rationally, he knew had amazing flavor. But Siwon couldn’t taste much, and it was an effort to continue eating. He could only dwell on Kyu, and how he wouldn’t get the chance to know her any better than the brief time they’d spent together.

“It doesn’t matter now,” Siwon said, setting the plate aside. “She ran and she ran fast. She’s gone. There’s nothing left to do but move on.”

“Maybe,” Ryeowook said, climbing slowly to his feet. “Maybe not.”

“Maybe not?” Siwon arched an eyebrow.

“Depends on how serious you are about liking this girl,” Ryeowook called over his shoulder, heading for the door. “Depends on how much you really believe that she’s worth taking a risk over. Oh, and don’t forget to go to bed early tonight, hyung. We’ve got a full schedule tomorrow.”

Siwon blinked slowly as he watched Ryeowook leave. The matter of Kyu depended on his stubbornness? Was that what Ryeowook was implying?

Siwon didn’t know, but he surely spent the night lying in bed, fingers laced over his stomach, thinking about Kyu. He thought about what physically attracted him to her, from her impressive height to the way her hands had felt sturdy, not delicate in his grasp. He liked that she had a little weight on her, meaning if he somehow got her to sit down with him for a meal, he wouldn’t be the only one eating. All these things, with her personality, served to remind Siwon that at least at surface value, she appeared to be the perfect package.

And how could he ignore the first girl he’d been attracted to in years? How could he disregard something that seemed severely abnormal?

In the morning, after a rushed and hectic meal per normal, Siwon had little time to think about Kyu, no matter how much he wanted to. There were television appearances, performances, dance practice, vocal practice and then finally, blissfully, one last recording.

By the time Siwon dragged himself back to his room, the rest of the member of Super Junior grumbling about being overworked, all he wanted to do was sleep. Sleep and then sleep some more.

“They’re calling you Superman now, you realize? God, your head is going to explode from your ego over this.”

Laying prone on his bed Siwon turned his head to squint at the ipad Eunhyuk was holding up towards him. “What’s that?”

Eunhyuk swiped his fingers across the screen, showing picture after picture, all from different Super Junior blogs, twitter and other social media sights. “Superman. Give me a break.”

Siwon perked up a second later, recognizing the hair color of the girl in the pictures. It was Kyu. A bit more time spent focusing allowed Siwon to realize that they were all pictures of the day before, the fan signing gone horribly wrong. A thousand pictures from a hundred different angles revealed himself and several other members running from the surging crowd, and in Siwon’s arms was Kyu. There was a surprised, slightly panicked look on her face, but she didn’t look afraid. She looked brave to Siwon, and it lit a fire in his belly once more.

He reached out to touch the picture of her face but Eunhyuk jerked the ipad further away, scrolling down to an article attached to one of the pictures. “Apparently a couple of blogs are billing you as just the most amazing thing ever, what with how you swoop in and save poor, defenseless damsels in distress.”

Siwon sat up slowly, his muscles protesting. “What does the article really say?”

Eunhyuk plopped he ipad into Siwon’s hands finally. “Just that this amazing act of heroism could only be the work of someone with impeccable honor. Check the comments, the girls always swoon over you, but I think some of the may actually require medical attention now.”

Most of the comments were nearly unreadable, full of keyboard mashing and jibberish from girls demanding to be swept of their feet just like the girl in the picture. And a lot of them were questioning who the girl in the picture was. 

“Oh, check this blog out,” Eunhyuk said excitedly, flipping to a new web tab. “This one claims the girl is your new girlfriend, and sources are determined to find out who she is. Man, I feel sorry for this girl if anyone ever figures out what her name is or where she lives.”

Icy fear flushed through Siwon. People were looking for Kyu, or they would be very soon. And if she didn’t know to hide herself properly, at least until all the fuss died down, her life would become a horrible mess. Because it wouldn’t matter if she told anyone they weren’t more than fleeting acquaintances, she’d be bombarded at her home, her school, and her work.

Siwon had only wanted to save her the day before, because she was pretty and she looked interesting and because something had drawn him to her. He hadn’t wanted to make things difficult for her.

“I have to find her,” Siwon told Eunhyuk. “I have to warn her. I have to help hide her until this calms and the next new scandal breaks.”

Eunhyuk questioned, “But all you know is this girl’s name, right? I hate to break it to you, but there are bound to be a lot of girls in this area with that name, and that’s if she didn’t come from somewhere further out. Finding her is going to be pretty impossible.”

“No,” Swion declared. Because not finding her wasn’t an option. He wasn’t going to let her be hurt because of his own carelessness. He was going to … as Ryeowook had alluded to, not let this be the end of it. He was going to be stubborn and not give up on her, not until she fully told him off and sent him away with a full explanation. 

“Then how are you going to find her?” Eunhyuk asked curiously.

Siwon said honestly, “I don’t know yet, but I am.”

“Good luck with that.”

Eyes narrowing, Siwon added, “And you’re all going to help me.”

“Because …” Eunhyuk prompted. 

Siwon pinched him hard. “Because we’re supposed to be brothers.”

Eunhyuk offered him an easy smile that said he’d planned to help all along. “Just checking.”

The next day none of them had a group schedule until eleven. Sungmin, Yesung and Heechul, the last one much to Siwon’s relief, had earlier, personal appointments, but the rest of Super Junior were crowded into the living room with Siwon waiting anxiously for any help they might be able to give. 

“Look,” Ryeowook said frankly, quieting them all down, “we need to first figure out if this girl is local or otherwise.”

Leeteuk gave a nod of agreement. “If she isn’t from Seoul, she might be safer without any of us attempting to contact her. Siwon, did she give any indication of where she might be from?”

Siwon tried to clear his mind and think back to every word they’d shared. “We …” he thought hard, recalling the sound of her voice, deeper than usual for a girl, the way she spoke with her hands, the ease in which she was honest with her feelings. “We talked about music, but not much else. She said she’s a university student, but that doesn’t narrow things down.”

“Well,” Eunkyuk said, his ever faithful ipad in hand, “the latest pictures are even better than the ones before. If we’re going to move on this, it has to be fast.”

Donghae commented, “At least the pictures are flattering.”

Ryeowook sighed, “That’s not helpful, hyung.”

Leeteuk’s phone gave a shrill ring but he cast it to the side quickly. “We can’t exactly--”

“She got a phone call,” Siwon interrupted, more excited than he expected to be. “Right before I talked to you on that day, hyung. She got a phone call from one of her friends. She said that she was going to head to work afterwards, and that she’d take the bus. She has to be local if that’s the case.”

Ryeowook’s eyes narrowed. “Which line?”

Oh …

“I can’t remember,” he said, panic in his tone.

“Think,” Ryeowok urged.

“She …” Why couldn’t he remember? He could picture the precise way she’d paced while taking her phone call, the mannerisms she’d had, and exactly how and when she’d huffed at her friend that she was simply going to take the bus.

But which number bus? Which route?

“Siwon?” Leeteuk questioned.

Right before she’d said it, Siwon remembered, picturing the moment so clearly in his head, she’s dragged her fingers up through her bangs, something that seemed like a nervous tick, and then she’d said …

Sweet relief flushed through Siwon. “Sixty-seven,” he told the group. Then excitedly added, “And I know she works at a café!”

“Perfect!” Ryeowok exclaimed, snapping his fingers. “All we have to do is check the sixty-seven’s bus route for any cafés along it.”

Shindong nodded. “There can’t be more than a dozen. Even just a few of us could cover that distance in half a day.”

Suddenly, without warning, Donghae turned to Siwon and asked, “Are we doing all this so you can date this girl? Is that what this is about? Because you know what our managers are going to say about the matter.”

“No,” Siwon cut out, then winced and add, “Maybe a little.” He sighed. “The truth is, I don’t think she knows how badly this can go for her. We do, and we know it isn’t fair and people can be cruel. Maybe she doesn’t even know these pictures are out there. So I want to warn her, and help her how I can, because I got her into this mess, and I’ll get her out if I have to.”

“But you also want to date her?”

Siwon admitted, “I also want to date her.”

“Just so we’re clear,” Donghae said, and it seemed to be enough for him.

Of course knowing how to find Kyu, and actually getting the time to do it, was another matter entirely. Siwon’s schedule was packed for the next few days, and getting away even for a few hours was going to be a challenge. He wasn’t certain it was doable in the least bit.

Not until the next morning when Leeteuk pulled him close before breakfast and said, “In five minutes our managers are going to come through the door. You’re going to have a horrible stomach ache, got it?”

In any other instance Siwon might have been thoroughly impressed with the way, five minutes later as promised, their managers were in front of them, and Ryeowook burst into incredibly sudden tears as he wailed about Siwon not feeling well. Heechul gave him such a severe pinch to his side that tears welled up in his eyes and Kangin elbowed him in the stomach, forcing him to double over. It all made for a convincing show.

Siwon wondered if Leeteuk’s brilliant master plan was simply to allow their so called brothers to take out their aggression on Siwon.

However, the combination of Ryeowook’s tears, Siwon being winded, and Leeteuk’s absolute word that Simon wasn’t feeling well (which really wasn’t much of a lie now, thanks to Heechul and Kangin), had their managers insisting that Siwon stay home and rest for the morning with several performances slated for the next day.

Back when they’d been rookies, and the whole of Super Junior had been deathly afraid of their managers, Siwon had sworn the men looking after them could smell a lie from a mile away. But now getting past them was easier, and took less effort, merely more teamwork.

That was how Siwon ended up, wearing his best disguise, on the number sixty-seven bus line, hunting down the girl he couldn’t get out of his mind.

Shindong had been the one to claim that there couldn’t be more than a dozen cafes on the bus line, but now as Siwon marked number fourteen off as a bust, he was starting to realize that the sixty-seven route was much longer than previously anticipated. In fact, it seem liked he wasn’t making any progress by the time he recieved a worried text from Leeteuk, asking him if he was on his way back to the dorms yet.

As Siwon stepped down off the bus in front of the next café, he resigned himself to move out of the dorms within a year. It’d be a fight to get his way, but he’d end up having more control over his own life. More freedom. And maybe one of the others wanted to move out too, and he’d get a roommate to quell some of the fears the company or their managers might have.

The next café, and probably the last he could afford to visit before he had to get back to the dorms, was bustling so much that Siwon could barely squeeze his way through the door. He pulled his baseball cap down further to hide his face and tried to scan the staff working.

There were too many people everywhere, and no blonde girls. As someone bumped into Siwon, with barely an apology for the action, his hopes were falling.

He ended up waiting patiently in line for ten minutes, phone in hand, before he reached the front counter and the waiting casher.

“Can I help you?” she asked, fingers poised over the cash register.

Siwon held up his phone, the clearest of pictures from the other day displayed on the screen. “Yes, I was wondering if you could tell me, does this girl work here?”

The girl in front of him leaned foreword to squint at the screen. “I don’t think so. We don’t have any blonde girls working here.” The café was bigger than the typical size, and probably had a large staff, but there was no recognition on the girl’s face. “No. I’ve never seen this girl before, but I did just start yesterday.”

The crowd behind him was getting antsy, so he purchased a quick cup of coffee and asked instead, “How about a name? I’m looking for a Cho Kyungji. She goes by Kyu?”

The sound of dishes dropping in the background started Siwon. The sound had come from the back area of the café, and there was nothing he could see, but the shout that followed couldn’t be good.

“Cho … Cho …” The girl mulled the name over. “What was the first name again?”

“Kyungji,” Siwon said, feeling just the barest hint of hope.

“We have a Cho,” she said finally, passing his coffee order off to a nearby barista, “but I don’t think … okay, wait a second.”

He had his coffee a few seconds later and was standing off to the side as the girl ducked into the back, presumably to find Cho Kyungji. Siwon felt his toes curl with the mere thought of being near her again. Would she be happy to see him? Would she even want to? Would she talk to him at all? He wasn’t sure on anything, just that he needed to try.

But the girl came back empty handed, shaking her head. “Sorry. We’ve got a Cho Kyuhyun, but not a Cho Kyungji. I’m really sorry.”

So that was it. At least for the day. Siwon had to get back to the dorms, the managers and other members would be back. And it was heartbreaking, because his schedule was so full for the next few weeks, maybe even months. When he’d get the time to hunt for Kyu again, he didn’t know, and there was a good chance she’d be exposed long before he got to her. 

Pushing through the people to exit the café, Siwon felt like he’d let his members down. Most of them had pulled together for him, and all of them, even Heechul, had ultimately supported him. Going back and telling them he’d failed felt like a personal failure. And he didn’t want them to think he’d wasted their time.

Maybe …

“Oppa!”

Maybe this whole situation with the pictures would blow over. There were bound to be other news stories more important than his saving one lone girl from getting run over by a hoard of fans.

“Oppa!”

Of course from the way Siwon was hearing it, parents were outraged that the crowd had gotten out of control, and they were calling for more security, a closer examination of the failures that had led to the event, and a whole host of other things. The feeling from SM was that this was an incident that was going to stick around for a while and be the center of conversation … and people wouldn’t stop looking for Kyu as long as there was an interview to broadcast.

“Oppa!”

A strong, firm hand wrenched his bicep and Siwon faltered, finding himself face to face with Kyu.

His Kyu.

“Sorry,” she said to him, a little out of breath, like she’d come running from the café at top speed. Her hair was hastily tied up, she wore no make up, and the café’s standard uniform of black pants and a white shirt was loose and not flattering in the least bit, but she looked so beautiful. “I didn’t want to call your name and start another riot or something.”

Siwon took her to a nearby sidestreet, brightly lit but absolutely deserted, and said immediately, “I had to come and check on you.”

She was flushed in the face as she replied, “Why? Why are you here? How did you know I work here?” The panic on her face made him feel horrible. 

“Because of this.” He held up his phone, displaying a photo. “There are hundreds of them out there, and people are looking for you. I was worried that someone would find you and ruin your life for the sake of breaking a news story.”

Kyu rolled her eyes. “I’ve seen the pictures. My friends all had a good laugh at them. But I’m not worried.”

Siwon asked, “You’re not?” She was braver than he gave her credit for.

“I really don’t think anyone is going to figure out the truth.” She said the next bit with a coy smile on her face. “Not without being superhuman in some way. Don’t worry.”

“I found you,” Siwon cut back. “And it wasn’t that hard.” Okay, so it had been a little hard, but he didn’t want her to think this wasn’t serious. Her life could be ruined if people thought there was something going on between them. If they even just found out her name.

“How?” she demanded, crossing her arms. “If you’re stalking me--”

“No!” Siwon waved his hands, trying not to think about how much prettier she looked when she was angry. “I remembered hearing you say you were going to work at a café, and that you were going to take the sixty-seven bus. To be honest, this isn’t the first café I’ve tried.”

Relief flooded her face. “Why?”

He shrugged. “Because I was worried. Because I wanted to warn you to lay low until the next big new story breaks. Because … I wanted to see you again.”

Kyu plucked at her bangs, something that Siwon was really starting to like, and she said, “I really appreciate you thinking of me. You have … no idea. But I’m going to be fine. I promise. You don’t have to worry. I’ll change my hair color, and like I said before, you don’t have to worry about me telling anyone anything, and I didn’t take any pictures.”

“I know you didn’t. I told Leeteuk hyung that too, when he was worried.”

Siwon had been so focused on finding her, now that he had, he felt endlessly awkward. She was looking like she wanted to bolt from his side, and he was stumbling over himself to say all the right things.

“Okay, then,” she said, inching back a step. “Now that you know I’m fine, and we’ve had a decent, if not anticlimactic parting, I’m going to go back to work. You should probably, you know, not come by again, just in case.”

Siwon’s mouth went dry. “No. Wait.”

To her credit, she did pause. “Yes?”

“I …”

She raised an eyebrow.

Out with it, he told himself. She’d already rejected him once. If it happened again, he knew he could survive it. And Ryeowook had been right. He had to decide if she was worth taking a risk on. He thought she was.

“I still want to take you on a date,” he said firmly, keeping his shoulders straight. “I’m sorry if I scared you before, or gave you the impression that I wasn’t serious. And I know you don’t want any of the media attention that I have to deal with every day. You have no reason to believe me when I say that I’ll keep you shielded from it, if you agree to a date with me, but I will.”

“I don’t …”

“Give me a chance to prove it to you. Just give me one chance.”

She seemed to fold in on herself a little, and she said softly, “You wouldn’t be asking me on a date if you knew the truth.”

“The truth? Do you already have a boyfriend? Are you … not interested in boys?”

She gave a trying look. “Just believe me when I say that I’m trying to save you some grief. You don’t want to take me out on a date.”

“I think,” he said pointedly, “you should let me decide what I want to do.”

She took another step back. “Take my advice.” 

He was losing her.

“One date,” he said desperately, moving after her steadily. “If you agree to one date with me, one dinner, and you still feel the same way about it afterwards, I’ll never bother you again. I’ll never come to your work again, I’ll never mention your name to anyone, ever, and you and I can go on pretending like we never met. One date. One dinner.”

Plainly, she asked, “Why would I agree?”

His brought his fingers up and pushed some of her blonde strands back behind an ear. With a kind smile, he posed, “Because I think you like me, but for some reason, you’re holding yourself back. Because I know I like you, and I want to show you that I’m a gentleman.”

She gave a short laugh. “That’s not exactly your reputation.”

He grasped at anything he had. “Because I’ll introduce you to all the rest of Super Junior. To all the guys you didn’t get to meet. And because if you agree to dinner with me, I’ll buy you the most expensive beef Seoul has to offer.”

The sides of her mouth pulled up and she said, “That is a tempting offer.”

“Beef,” he said again with a firm nod.

Then her face hardened. “What if I still say no? Will you keep showing up at my work? Will you try to find my home?” The panic was back.

He shook his head immediately. “I won’t. You have my word. If you tell me to get lost right now, then you’ll never see my face again. But you won’t be able to stop me worrying about you.”

She cast a worried look back to the café. “Why do you want to take me out on a date so badly?”

He didn’t know why, not that he’d tell her that. But he wanted to find out, and he needed a date for that. So instead he told her another truth. He said, “Because there’s something special about you. There’s something unique and different, and that’s attractive. You’re attractive.”

He almost cheered the second he saw her give in. He saw the droop in her shoulders, the resigned look on her face.

“One date,” she said, like a warning. “One dinner and then if I say so, you disappear into the night like a ghost. Understand?”

His heart was beating so hard in his chest he felt like it might stutter and fail. At least then he could die happy.

“Okay,” he agreed quickly, feeling on cloud nine. 

He didn’t walk her back to the café. Instead, with her phone number stored safely in his phone, he watched her disappear back into the building, more of her hair falling down to her shoulders.

He’d done it. He’d found her and he’d gotten a date from her.

He …

Siwon felt like the Superman the media was calling him. Even if it was just for a minute or two.


	3. Three: Kyuhyun

“This is the best day of my life!” Changmin shrieked, rolling back and forth across his bed, clutching his stomach, laughing almost maniacally.

Minho, who was only slightly more put together, asked Kyuhyun with a wince, “He showed up at your work?”

“My god! Yes!” Kyuhyun wailed, fingers digging into his hair, pulling at the strands hard. “He found out where I work and he was there, waiting for me five minutes after my shift started!”

“Best. Day. Ever!”

“Shut up!” Kyuhyun snapped at him, giving Changmin a vicious kick that sent him toppling to the ground. “You’re supposed to be helping!”

“How’d he know where you work?” Minho asked.

Kyuhyun ignored the way Changmin continued to gasp for air. “I swear to god, Minho, I had no idea at first. Then he said he heard me talking on the phone with Changmin about going to work, and the bus route I was going to take, and apparently he wanted to talk to me so badly that he stalked every café on the route until he found the right one.”

Minho made a face. “That’s creepy.”

“Tell me about it.”

Changmin tried to pull himself up using the bed. “I can just imagine the look on your face when you saw him. Seriously, Kyuhyun. This is the best day of my life. It totally makes up for having to dress in drag and nearly getting trampled to death by fangirls.”

Kyuhyun rubbed his fingers across his forehead, fighting back the headache that was building. 

“I dropped a paycheck’s worth of dishes, okay?” Kyuhyun told them, doing his best not to relive the moment when he’d heard that there was a tall, handsome man asking for a Cho Kyungji at his place of employment. He’d been so startled he’d dropped everything he was carrying, earning him the wrath of his boss, almost a full paycheck to the damages, and it was still the worst moment of his life thus far.

Though after agreeing to a date with Siwon, there was always room for it to be replaced.

“How’d you fool him again?” Jonghyun spoke up for the first time. He was seated far across the room, surfing the web on Kyuhyun’s laptop, sounding less worked up than Minho, who was really only giving him disapproving looks now.

“Thank god for ugly uniforms,” Kyuhyun said. “Baggy, ugly, gender neutral uniforms. And for the first time in my life, my laziness was a godsend. I still had the wing in my locker, from when I changed into my work uniform that day of the signing. I hadn’t taken it out yet.”

“Ah,” Jonghyun said, “here are the most recent pictures with a completely different angle. I have to say, Kyuhyun, I understand why he’s so infatuated with you. You do make a very pretty girl.”

Kyuhyun slammed the lid to the laptop down and demanded, “Can you possibly try and help me here! I’m in deep shit!”

Changmin was rolling across the floor by then, laughing another round of hysterical chuckles.

“You know,” Minho said, flipping onto his stomach on the bed, “You didn’t actually have to agree to a date with him. No one forced you.”

“I …”

Changmin stopped. He grew silent, his eyes widened and he sat up. “Oh my god.”

“Shut up.” Kyuhyun raised a finger to him. “If you even think about--”

“Kyuhyun has a hardon for Siwon!”

Minho’s head cocked.

Jonghyun sighed out, “I don’t know why I’m friends with any of you.”

“I …” Kyuhyun tried again, but had to stop. He couldn’t very well admit to any of them that part of him, the dominate part, had agreed to one last farewell dinner with Siwon, because of his crush. Because he’d been unable to part completely with Siwon, no matter if it was the smart thing to do or not, and because he was weak willed when it came to that handsome face.

Siwon had looked so damn earnest. 

And then he’d asked Kyuhyun to trust him. He’d asked Kyuhyun to let him prove that he was trustworthy.

No.

He’d asked Kyungji.

“I didn’t know if he’d leave me alone if I didn’t!” Kyuhyun ended up shouting .”And he promised, he gave me his word, that if I had dinner with him, he’d leave me alone. I had to!”

“Yes,” Jonghyun snorted, “he was twisting your arm to get you to agree.”

“Psst! Minho,” Changmin said all too loudly for it to be a real whisper. “One time I saw a file on Kyuhyun’s computer marked math, but I bet he had Super Junior fan fiction there. About himself and Siwon.”

“Changmin!”

He’d only written fan fiction once. Just once! He did not have a file of it.

Jonghyun spun in his chair and asked Kyuhyun calmly, “How do you expect this to turn out well? A celebrity, a member Super Junior, the biggest idol group right now, asked who he thought was a girl, out on a date. How does this not end badly for all parties involved?”

Slowly Kyuhyun sunk to the floor. “I’m going to go to the dinner. And I’ll be nice and on my best behavior, and then at the end of the night I’ll tell him I don’t want anything to do with him and to leave me alone. He will, we’ll never see each other again, and I’ll never again be forced to cross dress.”

“I never made you cross dress in the first place, remember?”

“So you’re really going to do it?” Minho inquired. “Get all dressed up like a girl and pretend to be a woman?”

“What else can I do?” Kyuhyun asked, torn between despair and fright. “I told him my name was Cho Kyungji. He knows where I work. What happens if he goes back to the café again asking for this girl who doesn’t exist, and I get pointed out to him? Or what if he even just sees my face? I can’t exactly change my face.”

“Rough,” Minho said.

“Hilarious,” Changmin corrected.

Jonghyun gave Kyuhyun a comforting pat on the shoulder. “Look, a few weeks from now this guy Siwon will have supermodels, you know, actual girls, throwing themselves at him. He’ll hook up with a couple of them and you’ll just be a fleeting thought by that point. Stop freaking out. This will blow over.”

Kyuhyun really hoped so. But if he was just some kind of conquest for Siwon, or a passing attraction, it didn’t really account for the way Siwon had pursued him so determinedly. This didn’t just feel like a guy wanting to make a move on a girl. This didn’t feel like a sexual cat and mouse game. This felt … different somehow. Siwon felt different.

“It’s just dinner,” Kyuhyun repeated, maybe for himself than any of them. “Dinner. I can get through dinner. And he promised that we’d go completely undercover. No media attention.”

“I hope you’re right,” Changmin said, for the first time sounding serious. “Because the only thing worse than this guy finding out you’re not really a girl, is going to be the media finding out. You’ll kill his career, Kyuhyun, and then his fans will kill you.”

Kyuhyun tried to swallow down the lump in his throat. “I know.”

On Monday, after a full day without contact from Siwon, he got a message from an unkonwn number. It said simply: Steak?

It had to be from Siwon. Phones were hacked all too easily these days, so Kyuhyun appreciated the curtness of it. 

He ended up texting back: Kobe

It was an hour later before he saw on his screen: Done. Tuesday?

He responded: Thursday?

They settled on Saturday. 

Getting dressed up as a girl, one last time, wasn’t like the first time he’d done it. The first time he’d been utterly preoccupied with making himself look as much like a girl as possible. The goal had been to pass himself off as the other gender and nothing else. This time, for this one and only date he’d ever have with Siwon, he wanted to look good. He wanted to be pretty. For Siwon and for himself.

Once more he shaved with the utmost care, applied his makeup with a steady hand and selected the most beautiful of his sister’s dresses. He was taller than her, which mean he was showing more leg than the dress intended, but guys liked that, right? Guys liked girls who showed leg. It was sexy.

If he had any luck, any luck at all, his sister would stay out the entire night with her friends and it would give him enough time to replace the dress before she even knew it was missing. Their parents weren’t expected to be home for several more days, and if everything went according to plan, Kyuhyun would get away with what he considered the single most stupid thing he’d ever done in his life.

Giving Siwon his address was too tricky. He couldn’t risk the man knowing any more about him than he already did, so instead he hailed a cab and headed towards the agreed upon destination.

He’d be lying if he didn’t admit that he had butterflies in his stomach. He’d been nursing a crush on Siwon for the longest amount of time, fully believing that he’d never get to meet the man, much less anything else. So to now, getting the opportunity to live out his most coveted fantasy was … overwhelming. It still hurt that he had to pretend to be a girl to have tonight, but it was a small price to pay. And he’d have the memories forever.

The cab stopped in the heart of Seoul, in front of a building that Kyuhyun had never been near before, all clean lines and windows, reeking of expensive things. He paid the cab and took another step towards the building.

He was starting to have second thoughts.

What was he thinking? What was wrong with him?

“Cho Kyungji?”

Kyuhyun barely had time to register that someone was calling for him before a kind faced man was standing near him. He bowed to him and gestured for Kyuhyun to follow him.

Kyuhyun rode in the glass elevator up twelve stories to where the restaurant was located. And when he stepped out onto the classic hardwood floors, polished and shinning, he was startled to find the place was nearly empty. There was only the man who’d escorted him and a young waitress waiting for them.

“This way, please,” she requested, and Kyuhyun had no choice but to follow, not sure what else to do. The elevator doors were already closed and there’d be no making a break for it now.

Kyuhyun saw him when they rounded to a more secluded area of the restaurant. Siwon was sitting facing the clear windows, looking out over the sparkling city, looking absolutely and spectacularly handsome in his suit.

“Kyungji,” he said, falling over himself a little to get to his feet the second he saw her. “You came.”

He moved to help Kyuhyun to the seat across from him, leaving him feeling a little uncomfortable at the action. Kyuhyun reminded, “I said I’d come.” He added quickly, “Oppa.”

Siwon returned to his seat and turned to the waitress, asking her to bring them a bottle of wine.

Kyuhyun perked at that. It was a guilty pleasure of his, one that his friends couldn’t related to. While they were content to drink soju or beer, Kyuhyun almost always preferred wine.

“You did come,” Siwon said, smiling at her when they were alone. “And you look very beautiful.”

Kyuhyun couldn’t help returning his own smile. “You look very handsome.”

Siwon’s head ducked a little as he admitted, “I wasn’t sure if you would come. I know you said you would, but I would have understood if you didn’t after all.”

Giving the place one more look over, Kyuhyun noticed, “It’s empty in here.”

“I bought out the place,’ Siwon said simply.

Kyuhyun froze. “You … what?”

Kyuhyun watched him lean forward and fold his hands together on the table top. He didn’t look smug, per say, but merely pleased with himself as he said, “I promised you a media free dinner. So I made sure the only people who would be here tonight were the absolutely barest minimum, and all of them trustworthy. No matter who sees you here tonight, or what they hear us speak about, none of it will get out. You’re safe.”

If that wasn’t romantic, Kyuhyun didn’t know what was.

“So,” Siwon said, straightening up, “I think we should get that Kobe beef I promised you. But if you want something else, I’m sure the chef here will whip it up.”

They had chilled oysters for an appetizer and the wine was the best Kyuhyun had ever had in his life. He was on his second glass before their actual meals were even at the table, and as Siwon regaled him with tales from Super Junior’s latest trip to Taiwan, it struck Kyuhyun that he was truly having the great time he’d dared to hope he would. 

“We had a few hours free,” Siwon said, fingers tapping along the stem of his glass, “so we decided to go for a hike. There were amazing waterfalls nearby. I don’t know how it happened, but Eunhyuk and Heechul got into a fight over the rooming assignments.”

Kyuhyun laughed, “Only really close brothers fight with each other over things like that.”

“Or people who spend too much time together,” Siwon cut back, stretching his hand across the table. Anyway, the point of the story is that we were supposed to be heading back for a dress rehearsal when Eunhyuk slipped. It’s possible Heechul gave him a little nudge. Then both of them were toppling off the edge of the waterfall. This would have been fine if either of them could swim.”

Siwon, in Kyuhyun’s opinion, never looked more youthful than when he was talking easily about the people he considered family. His posture was relaxed, his eyes constantly crinkled in a smile, and if Kyuhyun hadn’t already been a little in love with him ….

“Leader hyung jumped in right after them, along with Donghae, and all of us ended scrambling down to meet them.”

“Did you get into a lot of trouble?” Kyuhyun asked. 

“A ton,” Siwon chuckled out. “We got yelled at for an hour--the hour it took for us all to get dry and do our hair and get ready for our performance, and then for an hour after the performance. Eunhyuk blamed Heechul, Heechul blamed Eunhyuk and Leeteuk didn’t talk to either of them, aside from when he was yelling, for the rest of the trip.”

Kyuhyun noted, “That must have been hard on Heechul. He and Leeteuk seem very close. At least as a fan, it seems that way to me.”

With their food making their way across the dinning area towards them, Siwon snuck in, “It was probably harder on Ryeowook. He’s always upset when we aren’t all getting along. Considering that’s always, he’s never all that happy until we make up and forgive each other.”

“Wow,” Kyuhyun said when his plate was set in front of him. Once in a while Kyuhyun and his parents went out to eat at a nice place, and Kyuhyun had been on a few, above average dates in his life, but none of those compared to the quality in front of him. “It looks amazing.”

Siwon’s hand inched closer to Kyuhyun’s on the table. “I would have been happy with ramen from a convenience store if you’d agreed to meet me there.”

Kyuhyun’ knife cut into the beef portion in front of him like butter, making his mouth salivate. “I think I only ate ramen my first year of college. It’s all I could afford.”

Siwon gave a serious nod. “I know college can be very expensive.”

“It’s not that,” Kyuhyun said, then took his first bite of beef and nearly melted into his seat. He had to remind himself to act like a lady instead of eating as fast as possible. “My parents, no matter how unhappy they were with me choosing to study music and work on my vocals, still paid for my classes. But I was desperate to get out of their house and live on my own for a while. Or with a roommate. I moved in with a friend of mine and even with school being paid for by my parents, almost all of my pay from work went to rent and basic necessities. There wasn’t a lot of money left over to food.”

“Were things that unfavorable at your parent’s home?”

“Not at all,” Kyuhyun said truthfully. “I think I just wanted to see if I could be okay on my own for a while. I guess I found out that I needed them more than I thought. I moved back in at the beginning of this term. I think I’ll live there until I graduate, at least.”

“Hmm,” Siwon said, barely touching his food as he stared at Kyuhyun.

“Huh?” Kyuhyun asked, feeling desperately paranoid that maybe his wig was out of place or something. “What?”

“It’s nothing,” Siwon said, his fingers finally brushing over Kyuhyun’s free hand on the table. His fingers tiptoed their way over Kyuhyun’s knuckles making him shiver. “It’s just that I’ve been thinking about moving out on my own lately, too. Or maybe with one of my members.”

Kyuhyun wondered, “Can you do that?”

“We’re not rookies anymore,” Siwon laughed. “We’re a little more responsible, a lot more older, and even though we’re split between two dorm spaces, I’ve never really lived apart from them. I think I’ve been afraid to try.”

“Afraid to fail?” Kyuhyun guessed.

“Got it in one.” Siwon’s hand curly fully around Kyuhyun’s. “But, and take this in the best way, I’m comforted hearing that you tried and had to go back in the end. It tells me that it’s okay to fail and admit defeat, as long as you tried in the first place.”

The feeling of Siwon’s hand on his was almost overwhelming, but Kyuhyun found himself squeezing back, telling the elder man, “Something about you tells me that failure isn’t something you experience very often.”

Christ, could he be anymore cheesy? Kyuhyun wanted to die on the spot.

But instead of criticizing him, Siwon said, “And something about you tells me that you’ll try again, and when you do, you’ll be successful.”

This, Kyuhyun decided, was perfect. He took another drink of his wine, savoring the rich taste, and sighed happily. Even if this was a moment built on a lie, and it was a moment that could never happen again, he was happy to have it for the moment. 

“How is your meal?” Siwon asked.

Kyuhyun, filled with so much happiness, told him, “Pretty good. But the company is better.”

Then it was Siwon’s turn to blush and Kyuhyun decided he really liked the red tint that was gone too quickly.

“I should admit,” Siwon said, pouring more wine into both their glasses, neither of them having to worry about driving, “at the signing event, when the crowd got out of control and I grabbed you, I didn’t just reach for the nearest person near me. I saw you standing in line earlier. I was really hoping you’d talk to me, even if it was for a second.”

Kyuhyun felt his appetite vanish. “You … saw me?”

“Of course I did,” Siwon said, reaching for the tips of Kyuhyun’s hair. He’d tried to get it up into a few elaborate holds that youtube had said even a novice could master, but in the end he’d been running behind schedule and thought it best to merely leave it down. Hadn’t Siwon liked it down before, anyway? He’d constantly looked to Kyuhyun’s wig like it interested him some way. “The color, first, then how you kept it free from the barrettes and ties that most girls like to put in their hair.”

“So you just like me for my hair?” Kyuhyun teased, trying to settle himself back down. 

“Not just.”

Then Kyuhyun was forgetting what it felt like to breathe, because Siwon’s fingers weren’t at the tips of his wig anymore. Instead they were where the wig’s bangs curled down to his jaw, the pads of Siwon’s fingers stroking over the soft skin there.

Kyuhyun had never been so thankful he’d shaved and reshaved his face within an inch of his life to make the skin flawless looking. He never really had much facial hair, but what he did was hidden easily.

“What else?” Kyuhyun heard himself asking, but it was like it was from a distance, and he wasn’t even in control of his body anymore. “My pretty face?”

“You are beautiful,” Siwon agreed, his fingers searing across Kyuhyn’s face. “Very beautiful. And that’s what I saw just after your hair. But I like your personality very much more than those two things put together. I like that you’ve made me laugh a lot, and you’re interesting. You don’t tell me the things I just want to hear, and you’re not awestruck.”

Kyuhyun tried to force himself to keep breathing, managing, “I’d be awestruck if it were Leeteuk oppa who’d asked me out on a date. He’s my bias, remember?”

Siwon leaned forward, up off his chair a bit. “Then I’ll be sure to never let you anywhere near him.”

“You can’t tell me what to do,” Kyuhyun whispered out, afraid he’d lost his voice completely. 

“True,” Siwon agreed, leaning fully into Kyuhyun’s personal space. “I’d never dare to, either.”

They were going to kiss. They were going to kiss. They were going to kiss.

There was nothing else Kyuhyun could think of.

Siwon, his ultimate crush, the man that personified what Kyuhyun felt was the total package, was going to put his lips on Kyuhyun’s and … maybe the world was going to explode around them. The perfect way to go.

“You …” Kyuhyun breathed out.

Siwon didn’t kiss him. After only the briefest of hesitation, the man eventually pulled back, leaving Kyuhyun feeling equally relieved and disappointed.

“I,” Siwon said firmly, reaching for his fork again, “am going to do this right. I will treat you like a queen.”

Oh, the irony. 

By the time they were finishing with dinner, and desert was on the way, Kyuhyun and Siwon had settled back into a nice repertoire of conversation. 

Siwon spoke about how he wanted to do more acting, and Kyuhyun said he wanted to try writing his own music, maybe producing. 

“What’s holding you back from acting?” Kyuhyun asked, not believing for one second that Siwon couldn’t do what he wished if he put his mind to it. “Do you think you won’t have enough time for Super Junior?”

“Maybe,” Siwon shrugged. “Or the members? We’re getting older. Leader hyung has been talking about going into the military in a few years, and so have others. If I take all of the free time I have with them now, and trade it for more acting jobs, will that hurt the relationship we have now?”

Kyuhyun shook his head, saying, “Not if you’re really family. If you are as close as you claim, and if you all care about each other as much as you say, then they’ll be happy for you, and your time together as Super Junior will be enough.”

Siwon seemed to be contemplating his words when he asked in response, “You didn’t consider auditioning at other agencies? Even if SM didn’t recognize your talent, there are a lot more places to become a trainee at, out there. JYP is flexable and fun. YG really caters to an artist’s creativity. Or what about any of the others?”

“It’s stupid,” Kyuhyun confessed, brushing at his bangs, trying to ignore how itchy the wig was making his scalp, “but SM was the company I wanted to be with. I know they demand a lot from their artists, and they aren’t always fair or nice about it. I know their shortcomings. But SM commits fully to making their artists stars, and I wanted to be a star back then. I wanted to have it all. To have the best and be the best. That’s why I wanted SM. And like I said, I’m at peace with the fact that I didn’t get chosen. I’m happy where I am in my life.”

He was. It wasn’t a lie. He had Changmin and Minho and Jonghyun as his best friends. He went to a good school, was getting a great education, and worked at a place where he got to meet and interact with all kinds of people. His whole future was ahead of him, and most days he was more happy than anything else. There was no use in him thinking about missed opportunities. Where he was, was a good place.

“I still haven’t heard you sing,” Siwon said. “Would you?”

“Here?” Kyuhyun asked, baffled. “I don’t think so.”

“Later?”

The single word made Kyuhyun pause, then frown. Siwon had no way of knowing it, but there would be no later. There’d be no tomorrow, even. He and Siwon would never see each other again.

“No, really,” Siwon said, missing Kyuhyun’s expression completely as desert arrived in the form of two bowls of cherry cobbler, vanilla ice cream and mint. “We could sing a duet together. A ballad.”

“Ah,” Kyuhyun said, picking up his own spoon, “then your fans would want to kill me even more than they already do.”

“You can’t read the comments.”

Kyuhyun looked sharply to Siwon at his tone. “Excuse me?”

“The pictures,” Siwon said, his face firm and his words even. “And the comments netizens make about them. You can’t read them, and if you do, you can’t believe them or take them to heart. I love my fans, Kyu. I love them and I appreciate them and I understand that if it weren’t for them, I wouldn’t have had the success with Super Junior that I was lucky enough to have had. But they can be ruthless and unfair, Kyu. They can be very hurtful. I don’t want you getting hurt because some of them don’t know how to be kind.”

“I saw the pictures, they’re everywhere,” Kyuhyun admitted, “but I tried not to read the comments. Some of my friends did, though. That’s how I knew your fans were angry with me.’

Siwon said sincerely, “I won’t let them know about you. I’ll keep you--”

“Protected?” Kyuhyun asked angrily. “I don’t need to be protected by you. And I don’t need to be your dirty little secret.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Siwon said quickly.

“It’s just as well.”

It was time.

Kyuhyun had promised himself one last go as being a girl. One last time fooling Siwon. And now the time to end it all was upon him. He had to leave Cho Kyungji behind, where she belong, and go back to being Cho Kyuhyun, average university student, who didn’t fool people.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Siwon asked with a frown.

Carefully, Kyuhyun took the napkin from his lap and set it on the table. His desert was only half finished, but he felt a little sick at what he was supposed to do, so it was just as well. 

“What I mean,” Kyuhyun said, standing on shaky legs, “is that I had a really good time tonight, oppa. No matter what, I did. But you asked me for one date, one dinner, and that’s what this was. Now I need to go back to my life, and you need to go back to yours. Those two lives shouldn’t cross again, either.”

“I thought things were going well,” Siwon said, voice shaking.

“They were.”

“Then--”

“We are living radically different lives,” Kyuhyun said, trying to be as kind as possible. “Your life is out in the spotlight, and mine isn’t. I think we both like our lives the way they are, too.”

Siwon shook his head. “But I like you more.”

“More than Super Junior?” Kyuhyun scoffed.

Siwon got to his own feet, demanding, “Super Junior and Cho Kyungji are not mutually exclusive things. In no way do I have to choose one or the other. Listen, just listen. I’ve been at this long enough to understand how to keep my private life separate from my public life. You trusted me enough to come tonight. Why can’t you trust me a little bit more?”

Because Kyuhyun wasn’t really a girl. That’s what it ultimately came down to. And even if, in some impossible word, Siwon had known he was a boy and still liked him, it would have been just a different reason. 

If Kyuhyun didn’t end this now, they’d ruin each other’s lives. Kyuhyun would ruin Siwon’s for sure.

“You asked for tonight and I gave it to you,” Kyuhyun said with finality. “Now I’m asking that you leave me alone. Don’t look for me. Don’t contact me. Try to forget I even existed. Please. You want me to trust you, this is how I can.”

In desperation Siwon reached out for him, causing Kyuhyun to take a firm step back.

“I can’t let you go,” Siwon said.

Kyuhyun told him plainly, “You have to.” Then, with only one last look to Siwon, Kyuhyun headed towards the nearby bank of elevators.

“Is everything alright, miss?” The same man from before, the one who had escorted her into the building, was waiting, likely for her, in the elevator. He asked her again, “Are you okay?”

Kyuhyun took a deep breath and nodded, stepping into the elevator. He couldn’t help looking out into the restaurant, to where Siwon was now visible halfway across the floor, looking back.

“Don’t go,” he called.

The man in the elevator held his hand across the threshold of the doors, keeping them from closing. “Miss?”

“I’m sorry,” Kyuhyun said, and it was almost enough to make him regret coming at all.

The doors closed and it was a somber, quiet ride to the ground floor.

Kyuhyun exited the building a few seconds later to find the somewhat warm night from earlier had transformed itself into a summer rain storm. Kyuhyun wondered how it was that he’d been so distracted by Siwon, he’d missed the storm completely.

It was bad luck on his part, because even if he called for a cab right away, it would likely be twenty minutes before it arrived. That meant twenty minutes huddled under the awning near the building’s front door, wearing a short dress, running the risk of Siwon coming out at any moment.

He just wanted to go home. He wanted to take off his wig, his makeup and the dress. He wanted to be himself again, and look in the mirror and know that one day, he’d find someone like Siwon who liked him for just being him.

And god knew he’d never go about deceiving anyone again.

As a gust of wet wind hit Kyuhyun, making him shiver, a heavy, warm weight settled across his shoulders. 

“I guess this could be considered not taking no for an answer,” Siwon said, looking directly ahead, not meeting Kyuhyun’s gaze. “If this were a drama, it would be the part where I grab you and kiss you, and you declare your undying love for me. But considering we’re in real life, this could more likely be the part where you knee me in the balls and sue me for harassment.”

“I’m not trying to hurt you,” Kyuhyun said quietly, his voice nearly swallowed by the wind.

“Then I just don’t understand. Because I like you very much, and I think you like me. When people like each other--”

“--they try not to hurt each other.” Kyuhyun met his eyes finally. 

“You aren’t hurting me,” Siwon argued calmly. “And really, I think it’s up to me to decide what in life is worth getting hurt over. I can’t tell you what to do any more than you can try to make me not want to take a risk with you.”

“I just--”

Siwon’s hand came up to catch the side of Kyuhyun’s face. The hold was gentle, but firm, and he turned Kyuhyun towards him with the smallest of encouraging smiles. “There is something so unique and magnificent about you. There’s something different about you.”

Kyuhyun let out a dry chuckle. “You have no idea.”

“But I want to,” Siwon said, head ducking again, just like earlier in the restaurant. “I want to more than anything I’ve ever wanted before. No one is more surprised than me.”

“I just can’t--”

Anything he meant to say, purposed to say, or even was thinking, fell away in an instance. In fact, the entire world ceased to exist as he felt Siwon’s lips press against his, and the reality that they were having their first kiss slammed into him.

It wasn’t just any kiss, either. Kyuhyun, who didn’t have that much experience, was still able to determine that the kind of kiss they were sharing was exceptional. Their mouths moved easily against each other, full of pressure and wetness and even bits of desperation, all wrapped up in something that made Kyuhyun’s toes curl with pleasure. 

Siwon’s thumb moved lazily against the skin at Kyuhyun’s cheek, guiding him into a deeper kiss, one that had Kyuhyun’s mouth opening in response.

It was nothing like the kisses he’d seen in a few dramas, particularly the ones his sister really liked the watch. Those were mostly guys grabbing girls, the guy kissing with desperation, the girl slack jawed and in shock. 

Kyuhyun found himself gasping for precious air as Siwon drew back, professing, “I’m not as much a gentleman as I wanted you to believe.” 

Then they were kissing again, with short, daring pecks that made Kyuhyun’s eyes close with enjoyment.

However, when he did open them, mostly to try and bring himself back to his senses, a flash of something caught in the corner of his eye.

“Siwon,” Kyuhyun tried, a little short on breath as Siwon kissed him again, gentler than before, but just as fully.

“Hm?”

It flashed again, whatever it was.

“What’s that?” Kyuhyun asked, pushing at Siwon’s shoulder.

“What’s what?”

Kyuhyun recognized the flash for what it was a few seconds later, his muscles locking up. He pinched Siwon sharply in the arm, whispering fiercely, “Someone is taking pictures of us.”

Siwon froze next, and just afterwards Kyuhyun knew he’d seen the flash, too. 

Kyuhyun found himself angled to the side as Siwon moved deliberately in front of him, attempting to block him from view.

“You took a cab, didn’t you?” Siwon asked, one of his arms coming around Kyuhyun protectively. When Kyuhyun nodded, Siwon sighed and said, “I planned to call a car to pick me up at the end of the night.”

Kyuhyun squeezed at the material of the coat Siwon had put over his shoulders. “So what are we going to do?

Siwon pursed his lips and asked, “Can you run in those shoes?”

“Are you serious?” Kyuhyun deadpanned.

Siwon reached for his phone in his pocket, his fingers flying over the keys. “Very. That isn’t the flash of a cell phone camera. It’s much worse, and there’ll be dozens of them out here in another five minutes. And going back inside will only buy them time to build their numbers and cover all the exits. We have to make a run for it. I’ll call Leeteuk hyung.”

Kyuhyun looked back out to the heavy downpour as thunder cracked in the sky. “Okay,” he said, praying the rain wouldn’t destroy his disguise. “I’m ready.”

Together they ran.


	4. Four: Siwon

They dashed through the rain like fools. It was perhaps not Siwon’s greatest idea ever, but he was preoccupied with keeping his promise to Kyu. She’d trusted him and he’d promised her that they’d be free from the prying eyes of others. Now was all about damage control. 

As they raced away from the cameras behind them, Siwon looked back to Kyu, feeling the oddest burst of happiness that she had his dinner jacket still clutched tightly over her head, protecting her hair and face.

The sight, kindling something deep in him, made him want to hold her hand tighter, lacing their fingers together in a way that promised he wouldn’t let go for anything. He hoped that’s what she was feeling, and he swore he felt her squeeze back.

They splashed through puddles as they darted between buildings, trying to evade the people who were on foot behind them, flashes going off at a dizzily rate. Siwon didn’t care in the least bit if the men following them got a hundred pictures of him waterlogged and looking absolutely horrible. It would be worth any lecture in the world if it only meant that Kyu’s identity was protected.

He couldn’t say for sure, however, if it was. It had been foolish to grab her like an idiot and kiss her. It had been foolish to give into the temptation that had been building under his skin for days, since he’d met her, even, without checking around him. Even trainees at the company knew to check for cameras first and foremost. 

But what a kiss it had been.

One that he’d thought might sate him, considering she was insisting that they part ways, crushing his heart in the process. But it had only made him hungrier and more determined to convince her that they were a good pair.

If she ended up being the only girl he was attracted to sexually for the rest of his life, she would be more than enough.

He couldn’t let her go. No matter how he’d given his word. It felt like if he did, he’d be giving away part of himself. A part he couldn’t function without.

“I’m sorry!” Siwon shouted, trying to pull her a little faster. Her heels were holding them up and the camera men were gaining on them. What a ridiculous sight they must have all made. 

“For what?” Kyu shouted back, and it was the first time Siwon realized she was laughing. Her mouth was split open in a beautiful smile and her laughter was like music to his ears. “I take back everything! This is amazing!”

He didn’t know how she could think that. Her feet had to be killing her. She was drenched, too, despite his jacket over her head. He tried not to think about the sinful way her dress was clinging to her body. 

Kyu pulled a little away from him to splash deliberately through a huge puddle and Siwon found himself being pulled after her.

“It’s fun!” she called out, and it was only one more thing to like about her. She could take a horrible, downright terrible moment and turn it into something worthwhile. She should have been yelling at him, accusing him of breaking his word. Instead she was dragging him through puddles, drenching the last of his dry clothing, making him laugh too.

He hadn’t run through a rainstorm since he was a kid. He hadn’t jumped through puddles since then, either. The actions left him feeling free and a little weightless. It didn’t take long before he was the one pulling her through the puddles, joining her in the ankle deep water.

When Siwon’s chest was heaving from the sprint, which meant Kyu had to be close to collapsing, Siwon spotted their salvation.

“Down here!” Siwon shouted, jerking her down a nearby alleyway, so fast that he could see Kyu almost lose her footing. He resolved quickly to be more aware of her and the shoes she wore.

“Where are we going?” Kyu called out to him, a goofy smile on her face.

“I‘ve got a plan!” Siwon shouted back, a matching smile on his own face. 

There was the trust on her face that Siwon had so desperately hoped to achieve. He could see it shining like a beacon as she let him lead her on with no fear.

They’d gone just a bit more distance before Siwon let up and they were ducking into a noodle shop. It was a tiny, deserted area, with only one elderly woman, the owner, occupying the space. But it was warm, dry, and it was just out of the way enough that they were hidden from sight to anyone walking the nearby streets.

“Are you okay?” Siwon asked, turning to Kyu with concern. Had he pulled her too hard? Made her run too fast?

“Are you kidding?” she demanded, still smiling. “That was awesome!”

Siwon laughed again and guided her to a nearby table. “Wait here,” he requested, and then approached the owner of the noodle house.

For a few thousand won he secured them both dry towels, water bottles and the woman’s silence that she would pretend she’d never seen them if anyone ever came looking for them.

“Is that how it is for you everyday?” Kyu asked, sliding her shoes off gingerly and massaging her feet. They were red and probably cold and Siwon reached for them right away, ignoring the way Kyu froze up.

Her toes were as frozen as they looked as Siwon tried to rub warmth back into them. “There are always cameras,” he told her honestly, watching her work the cap of the bottle off. “People are always shouting at us to look their way, give us a few words and that sort. And unfortunately, they do follow us around after our scheduled activities.”

“They have no respect for you privacy,” Kyu said angrily, and Siwon had never really heard anyone defend his privacy. His managers and elders always told him to bear it. They never told him it was disrespectful.

Siwon worked his fingers across her feet, savoring the feeling of her soft skin, and said guiltily, “I broke my word to you, Kyu. I’m very sorry. I promised you that you wouldn’t have to deal with any of this.”

Kyu took a deep breath, her shoulders shrugging deeply. “I’ll tell you what I told Leeteuk oppa. You can’t be faulted for someone else’s behavior. That’s stupid.”

“But I gave you my word,” Siwon said, shaking his head.

Slowly Kyu drew her feet back from his hand and reasoned out, “Maybe it was my fault. I’m the one who dashed out of the restaurant without waiting for my cab to arrive. I knew this could happen, no matter what you promised.” She was silent for a moment, then added, “But running through the rain was fun.”

Siwon expertly avoided bringing up her dash from their meal, and instead said, “I can barely remember the last time I did it. And the rain felt great on my face.”

“How long do you think we’ll have to stay here?” Kyu asked, turning to look out a nearby window. Siwon didn’t think she could see out to the main street, but he understood her paranoia. 

“A while longer,” Siwon said evenly. He wanted to keep her as long as possible. “I don’t think those men will give up easily. Not since it’s been a while since a scandal broke with Super Junior.”

Kyu gave a decidedly unfeminine snort and said, “Scandal. Fantastic.”

“Don’t worry,” Siwon chuckled, reaching for his own bottle of water, his hair drying slowly between the towel he’d draped over his head and the heater blowing over them. “They’ll never get your name. And we’ll wait here until we’re sure they’re gone. Maybe an hour, two at the most.”

“I could just risk it,” Kyu said, making Siwon’s hear clench up. “I could call a cab here and duck into it.”

Siwon felt his fingers clench down on the bottle. “What if someone saw you? They’d follow you back to your home and things would be very bad.”

Kyu paled. “You think they’d follow me home?”

Nodding, Siwon said, “I know they would. Look, I know you wanted to leave. I’m sorry for following you and … and kissing you. At least kissing you out in the open. But waiting this out is our best shot at protecting your identity. In about an hour I’ll call Leeteuk hyung and explain the situation. I’m sure he’ll come and pick us up. I’ll have him drop you off at home then.”

Slowly Kyu patted herself down with her towel and she asked timidly, “Will you get in trouble? For the pictures?”

“Probably,” Siwon said, but what he meant was he knew he would. His managers would be furious. Dating within SM was encouraged, if only to control the flow of news leaked out to the press, but dating outside was frowned upon. And there’d be half a dozen people at least upset that he’d been stupid enough to go and get photographed while on a date with what they’d see as an uncontrollable variable. “Super Junior isn’t just selling music, you know. We’re selling ourselves, too. My managers won’t like that I’ve effectively taken myself off the market with those pictures. The female fans are already pretty mad.”

“You’re not a thing,” Kyu said softly, her hands stilling. “How can people think about you like that? As just some commodity that makes them money?”

“Kyu,” Siwon said, still amazed by her. “You …”

“Are ridiculous,” she supplied herself, leaning back in her seat. “At least for butting into your business. But don’t think you’re off the hook for kissing me.”

It was his fondest memory ever.

“I seem to remember you kissing me back,” Siwon replied.

Almost indignantly, Kyu protested, “When one is kissed, it’s only expected that they kiss back. I can’t be blamed for only doing the expected.”

“The expected?” Siwon moved to the chair next to her suddenly, making her pull back in surprise. “You kissed me back and it meant something.”

“It didn’t,” she protested, but it wasn’t very firm.

“It did,” Siwon said again, and he knew he was going to do it again. There was something too alluring about her. Too addicting. “And I’ll prove it to you.”

He was right. 

The moment he kissed her, sliding an arm around the back of her chair, puling her in closer, he felt her arch up into the kiss eagerly. Her mouth moved against his in a way that made them feel evenly matched, and when her mouth finally opened, Siwon seized the moment. He had his tongue meeting hers in a second more, and she was groaning happily as she pulled at his wet shirt.

A heavy, loud voice cleared behind them and it was only then Siwon realized they weren’t alone. 

He rumbled out an apology to the owner and fought the urge to kiss Kyu again anyway.

“You have to stop doing that,” she mumbled, fingers at her temple. 

“I will the second you want me to stop,” Siwon said, feeling bold and maybe even powerful. He’d kissed her several times now, and each time, no matter how often she’d claimed she wanted nothing to do with him, she’d kissed him back.

She said, “I shouldn’t have to tell you to. Not again.”

Siwon anchored his arm around her chair a little more forcefully and feeling more than a little giddy, replied, “I would, I swear, but I just don’t believe you when you say there’s nothing here between us. And I don’t think you believe you, either.”

Thirty minutes later their bottles were empty, the heater and towels had done wonders, and the rain was finally letting up. It seemed the storm had passed and the night sky was starting to clear again.

“Should you try calling your hyung now?” Kyu asked.

He couldn’t. He absolutely couldn’t. Siwon’s cellphone felt heavy and horrible in his pocket, like it was the object of his destruction. Because if he called Leeteuk, his time with Kyu would be over. He’d have to take her home, and he wasn’t sure what he’d be able to do after that. If anything.

She was very clear in saying she didn’t want to see him again.

But those kisses …

“Do you really want this night to be over?” Siwon asked bluntly, sliding his fingers up her arm a little. The skin there was as soft as the rest of her. It was enough to drive a man to madness.

“I already told you,” she said, sounded less patient but more sad, “this isn’t about what I want. This is about what’s best.”

Siwon steeled himself. “That’s not what I asked, Kyu. I asked you if you wanted this night to be over.”

She reached for her own cell then, not pink or purple or glitter covered like most girl’s phones were. A swipe of the screen lit up the time and she said, “It’s almost midnight. The night is nearly over.”

“Kyu?” Siwon said pointedly.

It seemed something heavy and trying for her to finally give in and say, “No. And you know that. I want … this to last forever, even though I know it can’t.”

Siwon climbed to his feet and held a hand out to her, thinking she looked even more beautiful still half wet, makeup ruined. “If you don’t want this night to be over just yet, then take my hand and continue to trust me.”

“That look on your face,” she pointed out.

“This is my thinking face,” Siwon defended, but counted it as a major victory when he had her sturdy fingers in his. “And I’ve just thought of something to keep this night going a little longer.”

“At almost midnight?”

He pulled her up to her feet and reminded, “This is Seoul, Kyu. This city is alive through the night and into the morning. So if you still trust me, let’s go have a little fun.”

They got a cab quick, in almost fifteen minutes flat, and they piled in with almost dry clothing, squishing together despite the room in the back of the cab. Siwon delivered the address to the driver and put an arm around Kyu.

“What are we going to do?” Kyu asked, and she looked excited. It made Siwon feel like he was finally making the right moves.

Siwon waved a hand. “Fancy dinners and nice clothing are fine. But sometimes I just want to have fun and be normal. When I can sneak away, once in a while, this is where I go. Ryeowook comes with me occasionally. And I want to take you, tonight.”

Hidden from view, Siwon felt Kyuh’s hand rest on his thigh. It was the boldest she’d ever been with him and it made a thrill run through Siwon’s body.

No amount of Sundays spent praying at church was going to rid Siwon of the lustful thoughts he had in his mind right now. Or his determination to make Kyu his no matter what it took. Now, with just the smallest taste of what it was like to be with her, he was going to fight tooth and nail for her. 

He couldn’t do any less and still call himself a man.

“We’re going here?” Kyu asked, her eyes wide, fingers pressing up against the cab’s window when their obvious destination came into sight.

Feeling pleased with himself, Siwon asked, “Have you ever been to Dongdaemun Market after hours?”

Kyu shook her head immediately. “I always wanted to go. But I was too young before, and lately I’ve been too overwhelmed by school and work.”

The cab jerked to a stop in front of a huge mass of people, and Siwon leaned forward to pay the fair. Then he was guiding Kyu out and mumbling into her ear, “You ready?’

He knew the sight of the market could be a little overwhelming. People were like ants, spread out everywhere, moving in groups and singularly, shouting and laughing and taking up so much space. Vendors were everywhere, most of them open for at least a few more hours, a lot of them open twenty-four. And the explosion of colors everywhere, from the people selling food, to the ones selling clothing and toys and trinkets, and the arcade in the distance, was something that had to truly be experienced at least once.

Not even the previous bout of rain had dampened the market’s vibrant energy.

“Come on!” Kyu said, taking his hand so easily it almost seemed normal, and then she was pulling him into the mass of people scurrying everywhere. He could see her heading directly towards clothing, and Siwon thought it was odd that he’d feel excited over the prospect of emptying his wallet on her.

Siwon kept her honey colored head in sight all times, not daring to risk losing her with so many people. But he also let her go free. He was starting to understand the kind of person Kyu was. She was a wild, free sprit, and any time he tried to hold her down, or hold her back, she rebelled immediately. If he wanted to be with her, he had to learn how to work around that.

“Much better!” Kyu remarked a little later when her dress was discarded into a bag and she wearing instead a simple pair of jeans and a yellow top. Then she pulled a blue hoodie over her head and sighed happily. She looked infinitely more comfortable in pants, and with her hair pulled back and up with a matching yellow scrunchy.

“You look good,” he said, diving immediately to her side and hooking an arm around her waist. He leaned down to kiss the side of her head and she gave him a firm push.

“None of that yet, please.” Then she was off, hunting for something, humming as she went.

“Yet?” he echoed after her.

She wasn’t satisfied until Siwon was out of his own suit, dressed in cargo pants and a graphic tee, a baseball cap jammed on his head.

He looked distastefully down at his clothes and remarked, “I think my stylist would murder me if she ever saw me like this.”

Hesitantly at first, but the more boldly with the crowd acting as a cloak, hiding them from the rest of the world, Kyu leaned up and kissed Siwon. “I picked out the ugliest clothing I could find for a reason,” she said, kissing him again, and he realized this was the first time she’d made the first move, or been so bold.

“And what’s that reason,” he asked, taking her bag, along with his own, and starting them towards the center of the market.

“Because,” she told him emphatically, “no one would ever believe for a second that a member of Super Junior would be caught dead wearing these clothes. No one is going to look twice at you now.”

“Fair enough,” Siwon agreed, but he had a feeling he’d endure any discomfort for her.

It had been forever since Siwon had been to the market, too long, but a few minutes with Kyu and he was starting to remember why it was his favorite place to escape to. No one paid him any attention, there were too many people for him to be singled out, and he could go anywhere and do anything.

“I have to bring Minho here,” Kyu said, eyes darting around everywhere. “He’ll love how bright and loud it is.”

Siwon frowned. “Minho?”

Kyu gave him a playful smack and said, “Don’t even think it. Minho is a kid. I mean, he’s my friend, but he’s still in high school. And I’d never agreed to go out on a date with him. He’s practically my kid brother.”

“You barely agreed to a date with me,” Siwon pointed out his fingers at her waist. Every time she twisted around to look at something, the shirt and hoodie she wore threatened to ride up and expose skin. But he kept his composure and his hands steady.

“My point is,” she continued, “I should bring him here. Changmin would hate it. Jonghyun would get bored if you can believe it. But I think Minho would really love this.”

Siwon found himself frowning again. Girls usually surrounded themselves with other girls. But he had to state, “You have a lot of male friends.”

She froze up before him, and might have even stumbled a little. “Is that … abnormal?”

“Unusual,” Siwon said. “Now how about we get you some proper shoes?”

Siwon couldn’t help feeling like a new man when the last of his old clothing, his dress shoes, were gone and packed safely away in a bag, and he was wearing instead comfortable sneakers. In fact, he didn’t even feel like Siwon. Like a member of Super Junior. He just felt like an average, everyday guy, on a date with his girlfriend.

God willing, Kyu would agree to be his girlfriend by the time the night was through.

“Hey!” Kyu called out, pointing a finger sharply and bouncing around in the flats Siwon had bought her to wear, “let’s go there!”

“Okay,” Siwon found himself agreeing immediately. “Sure.”

“This,” Kyu declared, once they were deep into the market’s arcade area, and shooting hoops at a basketball game, “is so awesome.”

Siwon toss a shot off himself, watching the basketball bounce off the rim. Next to him Kyu was making almost all her shots. She seemed to have amazing hand-eye coordination. ‘I guess it is.”

“Three points!”

Siwon wondered if this thing he was feeling with Kyu, went far beyond simple infatuation. 

What kind of a girl was she to make him question his sexual orientation? The orientation that had taken him years to come to grips with.

“Air hockey!”

Siwon laughed and after basketball, they played air hockey.

“I used to come to arcades all the time with my family,” Kyu said, expertly battering the puck around the glossy surface of the table in front of them. “Before, when my sister and I were younger, we’d beg our dad to take us. Mom never wanted to go, but he usually would. And we’d spend our entire allowance there, and even some of his money. It was great. I hate that we stopped going.”

“Why did you?” Siwon asked. 

Kyu shrugged. “Mom got sick, then she got better, but dad wanted to spend all his time with her afterwards, paranoid about her, I guess. And then my sister went to college and she didn’t really have time for me, and then I went to college and I didn’t have time for anything, either. I think it’s just a case of getting older.”

Siwon gave a solemn nod. “When Super Junior were just rookies, we had a grueling schedule. Things are better now, but back then, we barely had time to sleep. We got maybe two or three hours a night, never had enough to eat, and were always stressed about staying on time. It was hard. But once a week, we’d get to do whatever we wanted for a couple of hours. Leeteuk hyung would often take myself and Ryeowook and some of the others to a nearby arcade.”

Her hand stilled above the puck on her serve. “But you stopped going, too?”

These were things Siwon hadn’t thought of in a long while. But they were things that weighed heavily on his mind when he did.

Talking to Kyu about his worries was the easiest thing in the world. She had a calm demeanor when they were being serious, and she always offered logical, insightful advice. 

“We got older,” Siwon rationalized. “We really needed each other back then. We weren’t exactly kids, well, Ryeowook was our baby in a lot of ways, but we were still young. We were young and away from our parents and under harsh living conditions. We clung to each other out of necessity. No one wanted to be alone, even if it was suffocating to be around so many people all at once. But as we got older, and got better at managing our schedules, we needed each other less and less.”

Kyu offered, “Sometimes needing and wanting can be the same. You may not physically need your members for support now, but you can still want it, and that can be just as important.”

She knocked the puck to him softly, not at all like she’d done in the past. He’d learned quickly that she was fiercely competitive, and she wouldn’t go easy on him for the sake of his ego. 

“I hate that we’ve grown apart,” Siwon said, pushing the puck back languidly. “I know this is something that was bound to happen over time, and I’m not very good at expressing myself with them, but I hate that other than schedules, we don’t spent any time together anymore. We all have different friends and different commitments and it’ll only get worse.”

Kyu stilled the puck with her fingers. “Have you tried talking to your members about any of this?”

Siwon shook his head.

“But they’re your brothers, right?” They’d do anything for you?”

Siwon thought immediately about the way they’d banned together to help him track down Kyu. Ryeowook had been inspirational. Leeteuk had been invaluable. And all the others had played their part. They’d made time for him because they could see how important Kyu was to him, and it had come to easily.

Why had that been easy to pull off, when spending a day with some of them during their breaks and vacations came hard?

“They are family,” Siwon agreed.

“Then speak up.” Kyu hit the puck to him full force, nearly taking out his fingers that were resting nearby. He jumped a bit as she continued, “People are full of miscommunication. And people are naturally hard to deal with. We’re complicated and messy and we hardly make sense. But if these are your brothers, and you feel like something bad is happening between you, then speak up. Say something. Let them know. Call a group meeting, or whatever you guys do.”

“It’s not that easy,” Siwon sighed.

“I don’t know why it wouldn’t be.” She gave him a pointed look. “Trying is the least you can do. Even if nothing changes, or they don’t feel the same, it will mean something that you tried. And it might make you feel better, even if it’s just a little.”

Siwon leaned forward, throwing himself into the game. “You give pretty good advice, Kyu.”

“I’m a miracle worker,” she teased. “And the bill will be in the mail.”

They played almost every game in the arcade after that. Everything from classic pinball machines, to retro fighting games, and the racing types. Siwon ended up properly beat on almost all of them, but it didn’t bother him in the least bit.

“I’m having a great time,” he said when he realized several hours had passed without him noticing. He wasn’t even tired, either, despite the heavy schedule he’d had earlier in the day, and all of the things he knew he had to do in the upcoming one. “It doesn’t even feel like it’s almost two.’

“Is it” she asked, distracted by a nearby vendor who was selling hot, sweet buns.

“You want one?” Siwon asked, already reaching for his wallet. Any other girl would have cited her figure and declined the offer, but Kyu simply held up two fingers, and Siwon bought four total.

They got bottles of juice to go with the sweet buns and took a seat at a nearby table, blending in among the other couples who were there.

“My sister is probably freaking out,” Kyu said, ripping off a piece of the bun and sticking it in her mouth. “She didn’t even know I was going out tonight.”

“Did you want to call her? Or leave her a message?”

Kyu shook her head. “I’ll be home soon enough. And even if she is worried, she won’t risk calling our parents and making them worry. They’re on vacation to Japan right now. It’s the first time my dad’s been able to get time off work in a long while.”

Siwon’s heart stuttered. “But there’s still so much we can do.”

Kyu gave him a resigned, sad smile. “We both already know what I’m going to say.”

Siwon shook his head. “We still have time.”

“The men with the cameras didn’t follow us here. And even if they did, we’d have lost them by now. I need to go home, Siwon. It’s time.”

“It’s not!” he said, louder and rougher than he intended. He let out a deep exhale and said, “I don’t understand why you keep pulling away from me. I tell you I like you and I know you like me. I kiss you and you kiss me back. We can talk about anything, it doesn’t feel forced or awkward when we’re not actually talking, and we obviously go well together. I think I steady you a little bit, and you make me more daring. So why are you trying to leave? Why can’t you just be honest with me?’

“Honest?” Kyu cut out a dry laugh. “You have no idea how much I want to be honest with you. You have no clue how much it’s tearing me up to have to … never mind.” Kyu climbed to her feet, reaching for the bag with her dinner clothes in it. “I want to remind you about the deal we had. One dinner, one night. I think I’ve given you more than that. Please leave me alone.”

It didn’t make sense. It made absolutely no sense and Siwon wanted to tear his hair out over her behavior. Why was she running from him? Why was she denying him if she liked him and kissed him and even laughed with him? Why?

She took off into the crowd and for just one minute, Siwon let her go. He wasn’t the type of man to try and force a woman to do anything. He wasn’t the type of man to disrespect a woman’s wishes, either. But the situation with Kyu felt different. There was dishonesty there of some kind, lurking under the surface, acting as the barrier between them. There was some secret, some heavily guarded secret keeping them apart.

Her honey blond hair was getting further and further apart, and if he waited any longer, he’d never see her again. If he let her go completely in this moment, he’d always be living with the lingering doubts that were eating away at him at that moment.

He deserved the truth. He needed it.

“Kyu!”

She had a sizable lead on him and was moving fast, but Siwon’s legs were longer, just barely, and he was faster. 

He didn’t catch up to her until they were both out of the market and she was attempting to hail a cab. Siwon reached out for her, pulling her deftly away from the street, and held on harder than he wanted to, but too afraid that if he didn’t, she’d run again.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” she demanded, face full of fury.

“Why are you lying to me?” Siwon demanded, his voice deep and full of his own anger.

“Let go of me.” Her eyes narrowed.

“Don’t leave again.”

Kyu gave a particularly vicious tug of her arm and she broke free, taking several steps back from him. “What’s your problem? You think you can just grab people however you want?”

He was apologetic, but he couldn’t bring himself to get the words out. Instead all he could say was, “I have been nothing but friendly and kind and attentive and maybe even adoring to you. I have told you time and time again that I like you. I want to show you the world, Kyu, and I know you want everything I have to offer, but you keep putting distance between us. You keep pulling away and refusing to give me a straight answer as to why! If you hate me now, fine! If you want nothing to do with me, fine! If you plan to go straight to the police department and file a report against me, that’s fine, too! But you will tell me the truth. You will tell me why you refuse to be with me. You have to. Please.” His anger was fading into sadness quickly. “Please, Kyu. Please. I have to know. I deserve to be told why.”

“You think you do,” she snapped back. “But you have no idea what’s going on!”

“Then tell me,” he begged, and then he was falling to his knees. “Tell me why you won’t be with me. Tell me why you won’t even try.”

“Because!” she exploded. “Because none of your business!”

Siwon’s eyes fell to the ground in front of them. “I have never begged for anything in my life like this, Kyu. It hurts my pride as a man. But for you, it’s nothing but a burden I bear willingly.”

“Siwon.” She put a gentle hand on the top of his head. “The truth isn’t something I’m keeping from you to hurt you. It’s the opposite.”

“You’re hurting me now.”

“Things would never be the same again. You would never be the same.”

“I don’t care,” he pleaded. “Just tell me.”

He was convinced, absolutely convinced that she would walk away. There were cabs zipping by them now and all she had to do was raise one arm and she’d be able to escape him. It was seemingly all she wanted to do.

“Let me tell you a story,” she said in a quiet voice, surprising him. “About a boy who never knew how to say no to a dare, because his pride was too big, and how he thought he was so clever all the time, and dragged his friends into situations that they shouldn’t have had to put up with.”

“Huh?” he raised his eyes to her face. 

She cleared her throat. “This boy, the one with too much pride, was dared to do something that he was ashamed to be seen doing. So he decided to dress up as a girl to blend in and win the bet. But he ended up in a situation that spiraled out of control. And he met the person that he’d admired and practically been in love with for years. A crush that he’d hidden from everyone, even his best friends.”

Some horrible, heavy dread was starting to sink into Siwon’s stomach.

“And surprise,” Kyu said, “the crush liked this boy back. But he liked the boy because he thought she was a girl. And the boy, pretending to be a girl, was weak willed. He couldn’t say no to the crush, no matter how hard he tried. Because for once, just once, the boy wanted to be loved by someone who mattered to him. So ultimately the boy was just a liar, and maybe his crush was just a fool, but they both ended up hurt, and it was only the boy’s fault. The boy with too much pride.”

Was Kyu saying … was she …

“My name isn’t Kyungji,” she said, reaching out to stop a cab. With a deep, regretful kind of bow, Siwon watched her reach up and pull at her hair. Hair that was clearly now a wig that rested in her hands, revealing short, curly, chestnut colored hair that made all the difference in the world. “My name is Kyuhyun and I’ve been lying to you about being a girl, Siwon, because I like you, and I just wanted you to like me back.”

The world was going numb around Siwon.

“I never wanted to hurt you,” she … he said, his eyes telling Siwon that he meant every word deeply. “I just wanted …” he cut off suddenly, pulling open the cab’s door. “I’m so very deeply sorry I hurt you, Siwon. Please don’t think any of this was your fault. Please don’t blame yourself. Just blame me, because I’m selfish and prideful and a horrible person. I’m sorry.”

Siwon climbed to his feet shakily as he watched Kyu … Kyuhyun, slide into the cab. 

“I’m sorry,” Kyuhyun called out one last time, one hand pressed against the glass of the door’s window, his words muffled by the shut door. “I’m so sorry.”

He watched Kyuhyun ride away in the back of a cab just as another crackle of thunder sounded over his head. In the distance the partially exposed market was hurrying to shut down before the next downpour, and the previously clear sky was cloudy again.

All the while Siwon stood there, trying to digest the fact that Kyungji had been Kyuhyun. She … he had been lying to Siwon the whole time. Siwon felt like the fool Kyuhyun thought he was. 

How had the missed the signs? How had he been so blind?

How …

The clouds opened up above him and rain began to pour again. Siwon simply stood there, head tipping back a little, getting absolutely soaked.

He didn’t know what to think now. He certainly didn’t know what to do.

He only knew that no matter what, Kyungji was gone forever. And he’d never see her again. She was as good as dead to him.


	5. Chapter 5

Over the next two days Kyuhyun’s life consisted of feeling sorry for himself, feeling ashamed of his behavior, regretting several choices, refusing to leave his room, surfing the internet for pictures of himself and Siwon the night of their date, and then more pandering to his self loathing.

He spent most of his time in bed, with the blankets pulled over his head. As far as his work knew, he had a horrible case of the flu and wouldn’t be back for several more days. His parents had extended their vacation by another week, which worked out in Kyuhyun’s favor, and his sister had yet to notice either her missing clothing, or the fact that he was three seconds away from swallowing the bottle of asprin in the medicine cabinet.

Well, maybe he wasn’t quite suicidal, but there was a burning ache of pain in his chest for both himself and Siwon, and no matter what he tried, he couldn’t get it to go away.

He was just so ashamed.

Siwon didn’t deserve to be tricked, all so Kyuhyun could keep his cover. And even more, Kyuhyun felt shame that he’d enjoyed his time with Siwon so much. No matter which way he tried to swing it, he’d loved every second he was with Siwon. They’d been able to talk to each other so easily, had similar likes and dislikes, shared the same passion for music, had great chemistry, and aside from one glaring detail, they were perfect for each other.

That glaring detail being that Kyuhyun wasn’t a girl, and he didn’t think Siwon preferred the company of boys.

He had to stop looking at the pictures. He had to.

But one more glance down to his phone, to a popular Super Junior blogging site, revealed that the night of their date, whoever had followed them had gotten some nice pictures. Despite the drizzle of rain going on around them, the pictures, and there were about a hundred of them, clearly showed Kyuhyun’s profile as he leaned up into a wickedly wonderful kiss. In the photos they looked absolutely enamored with each other, as if no one else in the world mattered, and even better were the pictures of them laughing as they dashed away.

The pictures were a horrible reminder to Kyuhyun that he’d had that brief happiness.

He’d stopped reading the comments, however. It was glaringly obvious, from the first page of comments on the pictures, that Siwon’s fans thought Kyung was a tramp or worse. Most of them thought she wasn’t even that pretty. One or two had called her manly looking.

It was enough to get a chuckle out of Kyuhyun. If only they knew.

Something heavy pounded on Kyhyun’s door and he ignored it. Why couldn’t the world just go on ignoring him? He just wanted to be left alone to shrivel out of existence.

Sometimes Kyuhyun thought he should have gone into acting, instead of music at the university.

“Kyuhyun!”

Kyuhyun winced. That was Changmin. 

For two das Kyuhyun had been ignoring his phone calls and texts. The first day they’d started coming in, at least in a mass amount, they’d been teasing and childish and even hurtful. The day after that they’d been slightly more worried, but Kyuhyun hadn’t wanted to deal with them then, either.

He’d known Changmin since they were kids. They’d grown up together, and been best friends almost as long as they’d been alive. But that only meant Changmin knew exactly the things to say to get under his skin, and this was one time Kyuhyun just couldn’t deal with him.

“I’m coming in!”

“Go away!” Kyuhyun called out, but his voice was mostly muffled by the blanket over his head.

A second later Kyuhyun heard the heavy thumps of Changmin’s feet on the hardwood floor of his room, and just after that Changmin was whipping the blanket off him.

“Knock it off!” Kyuhyun said sharply.

“Seriously?” Changmin asked with an arched eyebrow. “Are you seriously lying in bed, in pajamas that you probably put on more than a day ago, being a whiny little brat.”

“Go away, Changmin.”

“And what’s this?” Changmin wrestled his phone from his grasp. “We already agreed you make a cute girl, Kyu. Stop stroking your ego.”

“Don’t call me that,” Kyuhyun ground out. It was too much of a reminder that Siwon had called him Kyu. Kyuhyun had liked it best when he did, because for just that moment, for one brief point in time, he could pretend like Siwon was seeing him, and not some fake identity cooked up to win a dare. “And give me my phone back!”

Kyuhyun snatched at it desperate, swiping the screen to get rid of the pictures. He was sick of looking at them anyway. He was sick of remembering that when he’d been with Siwon, racing all over Seoul, being spontaneous and free, those had been the best hours of his life.

Followed by the worst.

“Are you going to lie in bed all day today, too?” Changmin asked, crossing his arms. 

“Why are you here?”

“You think I want to be?” Changmin snorted. “Minho, Jonghyun and I drew lots. I lost.”

Kyuhyun made a dive for his blankets, feeling anger at Changmin. “No one asked you to come here, so get the fuck out!”

Changmin’s head cocked. “Moody bitch.”

“You know what? Fuck you.” It felt good to have the blanket around him again. Almost like a layer of protection. “I don’t need you be here making fun of me, Changmin. Maybe this is one big joke to you, and whatever if it is, but I feel horrible right now. I feel like I am a horrible person and I have never been this sorry in my life.”

“Kyuhyun.”

Kyuhung rolled away from Changmin, putting his back to his friend. “I really liked him, Changmin. You can feel free to make fun of me over that at a later date, but I really liked him and I had to hurt him to protect him from what would have happened if anyone ever learned the truth. I let myself get in too deep with him, even though I knew it was wrong, and I let myself feel … I don’t know.”

“Kyuhyun,” Chanmin said softly. “I didn’t--”

“So just go away,” Kyuhyun interrupted. “Let me wallow here like the moody little bitch you claim I am. Let me just deal with what’s going on in my head and my heart, because I feel like I’m going to break into a million tiny pieces and I don’t know how to deal with it. I don’t know how to get past this. So please. Please go. Please leave me alone. Just go.”

Silence fell over the room and Kyuhyun snuck his head back under the blankets. He could hear the ticking of the clock on the wall across the room and nothing else. 

Kyuhyun felt a weight settle on the side of his bed and gentle hands peeled back the blankets. 

“Kyuhyun,” Changmin said, his voice quiet and soothing. “I’m sorry. I thought … this was just a joke to you.”

Kyuhyun turned onto his back, feeling his eyes burn. “It started that way, Changmin. But now the joke’s on me.”

Changmin paused, mouth pursed, then nudged Kyuhyun and said, “Scoot over. Make room for me.” He laid down next to Kyuhyun, their heads only inches apart, reminding Kyuhyun of when they’d been younger and slept over at each other’s houses. Kyuhyun’s bed was never big enough for the both of them, but they’d crowded into each other’s space like it meant nothing, and ended up twisted together in sleep more nights than not.

“I really liked him, Min.”

“You really told him you weren’t a girl?”

Kyuhyun gave a dry laugh. “He was begging me. He was on his knees, begging me to know why I was refusing him. I thought there was absolutely no way he’d let me go until I told him the truth, so I did.” It hadn’t been his finest moment ever, and he could have been gentler about it. “I ripped my wig off and told him I was sorry about a million times.”

“You must have been some sight.”

Kyuhyun sighed. “The look on his face …”

Kyuhyun’s arm looped through Changmin’s and he pressed their heads together. 

Changmin shuffled even closer and reminded, “There was no way this was going to end well, right? This Siwon guy, he thought you were a girl. No matter what you did, you couldn’t make that the truth.”

“I know,” Kyuhyun said glumly. “I just … I more than liked him, Changmin. He’s the first person I’ve felt a connection with. The first guy that … I could be with and be myself with.”

“He won’t be the last,” Changmin said comfortingly. “Kyuhyun, I know things are hard for you right now. I know it sucks that you can’t openly love who you want to, and you have to be very careful when dating. Life just sucks for you sometimes. I get it. And I’m your best friend, so I’m always going to be here for you to lean on and rely on and whatever else you need. But I’m telling the truth when I say you will find someone who loves you for you. God, one who isn’t interested in you because they think you’re a girl.”

Changmin was … an asshole sometimes. He could be brash and crude and had no problem speaking his mind. But Kyuhyun knew he was reliable to a fault. He was loyal and brave and there was no one else Kyuhyun would want standing by his side.

“We had something,” Kyuhyun said, trying to describe what he had felt with Siwon. “A connection. I think that’s rare, Changmin, when two people have it just like we did. It doesn’t come easy for most couples.”

“You weren’t a couple.”

Kyuhyun admitted, “I guess not. We only had one date.”

“And I don’t think he’s gay.”

“Even if he were,” Kyuhyun said, feeling his fingers clutch Changmin’s, “he couldn’t be publicly.”

“So.” Changmin leveled himself up a little, looking down at Kyhyun. “What are you going to do about all this?”

Kyuhyun closed his eyes. “Just lay in bed and feel sorry for myself. Yep. That.”

“Kyuhyun.” Changmin knocked him in the shoulder. 

The truth was …

“I just want to see him again,” Kyuhyun voiced. “I just want to see him one more time and apologize again. I want to properly explain to him that none of this was his fault, and make sure he understands that I didn’t do this to hurt him. I want to swear to him I won’t ever go to the media and make his life horrible, I won’t ever contact him again, and I’ll spend the rest of my life repenting.”

Changmin gave him a guarded look. “That would really help you? That would mean something? To grovel for his forgiveness?”

“It would,” Kyuhyun said simply. “Because I really think he liked me as much as I liked him. The only difference is, he was being honest, and I was being a liar. Groveling is the least I can do, for playing with his heart. For hurting him. Changmin, I don’t think I can start to forgive myself unless I know he forgives me first.”

Changmin gave a grunt and wrapped an arm around Kyuhyun. “You’re nothing but trouble, brother.”

Kyuhyun ventured, “You didn’t really pull the short straw, did you?”

“No,” Changmin said easily enough. “You know I didn’t.”

Moments like these were why Changmin was his best friend. And Kyuhyun was never more thankful to have him.

Three days into his self induced exile Kyuhyun began to go stir crazy. He was absolutely still heartbroken about the way things had happened with Siwon, but he couldn’t lay in bed anymore. He couldn’t ignore the world around him, or his job, or the fact that he still had a bunch of summer schoolwork to get caught up on before the next semester started.

And truthfully going to work was a decent distraction. He could do his summer schoolwork during his breaks, and for the most of the day, it meant his mind was preoccupied enough that he didn’t have time to think about Siwon.

It worked for about a day.

He was washing dishes the second work stopped being a distraction.

Up to his elbows in suds he heard one of his coworkers call for him to help at the front register. “Coming!” he called back, but he’d really just wanted a few minutes of peace.

“Cash register three,” he’d been told, and sure enough there was a distinctly male customer waiting already, head down as he stared at his phone, baseball cap pulled low over his forehead, a much too heavy coat for summer on his body.

“Sir?” Kyuhyun called out, wiping his employee badge to open the register. “I can help you now.” He could see why he’d been called to help. The store was even more packed than usual.

“Can you?” the man lifted his head and Kyuhyun felt his stomach drop to his knees.

He imagined he made a sight, sickly pale and panicked looking. But it was all he could not to turn on heel and run. “Siwon.”

“No oppa this time?”

Siwon looked … tired. That was the best way Kyuhyun could think to describe him. He seemed like he hadn’t gotten a decent night’s sleep in a while, or that he was overly stressed. Kyuhyun wondered if that was his fault. It probably was.

“No,” Kyuhyun said, shaking his head. “Hyung.”

Siwon gave Kyuhyun a long look over, making Kyuhyun feel quite small.

Eventually Siwon said, “So this is the real you. This is Cho Kyuhyun.”

Kyuhyun refused to be cowed by Siwon. He’d done wrong by the man, and he deserved to pay for that, but he wouldn’t be intimidated or harassed. 

Quietly, Kyuhyun asked, “Why are you here?”

Siwon held his gaze easily, like he’d finally come to grips with something. “Because you have a very annoying friend.”

“Huh?”

Siwon shook his head. “When is your next break? I think we need to talk.”

Kyuhyun didn’t get to take that break for another hour, and honestly he was afraid that Siwon would leave before then. But, identity protected, Siwon sat in the furthest corner of the café, ordered a coffee and a pastry, and waited patiently.

Having Siwon in the shop, so near him despite how things had ended between them, was nerve-racking. More than once Kyuhyun messed up an order, dropped something, or generally made a nuisance of himself.

It was possible his boss sent him on his break to just get him out of the way.

“We can go now,” Kyuhyun said, having taken off his apron to approach Siwon. He was incredibly self conscious of the unflattering white shirt and black pants he wore. Before, the last time Siwon had come to the store, Kyuhyun had been thankful. But then he’d been Kyungji.

It was late enough in the day that they could snag an outside table at a nearby restaurant. Kyuhyun thought he had just enough time to get railed for his deplorable behavior and then make it back for the rest of his shift.

Five minutes after sitting down Siwon stirred a straw through his ice tea and said, “I thought you were devious. You’ve got nothing on your friend.”

“I’m still confused,” Kyuhyun said. And when Siwon gave him a long look, he protested, “I’m not lying! I never … I never thought I’d ever see you again. Except maybe on the television.”

Finally Siwon gave a firm nod and said, “Your best friend has been stalking Super Junior for several days.”

Kyuhyun’s eyes bulged. “Changmin!”

“He didn’t give his name,” Siwon said, “but I imagine it was him, considering he was relentless until I agreed to speak to him. At which point he threatened me if I didn’t agree to come and speak to you. To let you say your peace.”

Kyuhyun slumped immediately in his chair, running a hand over his face. “God. Siwon. I’m so sorry.”

“Leeteuk hyung wasn’t very happy, and neither were our managers, but maybe they were also a little impressed. He got his hands on our schedule, our place of residence’s gate and elevator code, and he was very, very vocal until I agreed to talk to him.”

“He threatened you?” Kyuhyun winced. He took a deep breath and bowed his head. “I’m truly very sorry for his actions. I don’t … know what’s come over him, or why he would do that. I can’t believe he would threaten you!”

“He did. Several times.”

Kyuhyun dug his hands into his hair, pulling slightly. “I’m going to call him right after this and yell at him. He has no right to threaten you. I swore to you, Siwon, I would never hurt you or Super Junior. And I won’t let him do it, either. You don’t have to worry about him saying anything about what I did to you to anyone. I’ll make sure he keeps his mouth shut and--”

“That’s not what he threatened,” Siwon interrupted.

“No?”

“No,” Siwon said again. “He threatened to make my life a living hell. He threatened to be there every time I turned around, and to join every anti café he could find. He threatened to picket out shows, actively stir up drama on the blogs, and basically said that he would stalk and irritate me for the rest of my life if I didn’t comply. He never said anything about … what happened recently between us. Our … misunderstand.”

“That doesn’t make it any better,” Kyuhyun said, but he was so relieved to know that Changmin wasn’t trying to use Kyuhyun’s mistakes against Siwon. “But still, I will speak to him. I’ll make sure he doesn’t bother you again. I swear it.”

“Good.”

And that seemed to be that. 

By the time Siwon stood to leave his iced tea was mostly untouched, they hadn’t ordered any real food, and Kyuhyun was left feeling that same dread in his stomach that he had right after revealing himself to Siwon. The kind that kept him bedridden for days.

“If I see him again I’ll contact the police,” Siwon said, tossing money on the table.

“You won’t,” Kyuhyun promised quietly. “I’m sorry.”

Exasperatedly, Siwon said, “You’re sorry all the time.”

Kyuhyun’s hand twisted in his lap and he locked his gaze onto them. He need to simply sit there and keep his mouth shut until Siwon was gone.

And then he needed to deal with Changmin who had no idea who he was messing with. 

“Kyu … Kyuhyun.”

Kyuhyun looked up, surprised to find Siwon still standing there.

“Yes?”

Something between a grimace and a wince vaguely resembling determination twisted across Siwon’s face. “I want to know one thing.”

“Anything.” And Kyuhyun tried to remember what Siwon looked like smiling at him. It was a picture he could no longer capture in his mind. 

Voice low, Siwon asked, “How much of it was real? And how much was a lie?”

Kyuhyun stared at him dumbly for a moment.

Nearby a waitress was starting to approach them, but she quickly turned and fled back inside the moment she felt the tension radiating from their direction.

This was it, Kyuhyun told himself. This was the moment.

He cleared his throat, sat up fully and said, “The only thing that was a lie, the absolute only thing, was that you thought I was a girl the entire time.”

“All the stories you told me? All the things you said to me?”

“All of it was the truth and what I genuinely thought,” Kyuhyun said, trying not to sound like he was begging Siwon to believe him.

“And your feelings for me?”

“Oh, god,” Kyuhyun choked out. “So real.” He put his face in his hands out of shame. He was well beyond a simple crush with Siwon. This wasn’t even infatuation. This was something much stronger, and more dangerous. “I think I’ve been in love with the idea of you for a long time, and then when I got a chance to have you for real, even if it was just for a few hours, I jumped at the chance. I didn’t think about your feelings, only about my own, and how much I wanted to have you notice me. I was stupid and selfish and I can tell you with absolutely certainty right now that what I feel for you is much more than I could have ever thought about faking.”

And now Siwon was probably properly disgusted with him.

“I don’t expect you’ll forgive me,” Kyuhyun said, shoulders slumping. “How could you forgive someone who lied to you and played with your heart and made you feel things that aren’t … natural.” 

He was typically so comfortable with his sexuality. He was even proud of it, some days. But now, seeing his manipulations come to full light, he just felt like it was the biggest burden he’d ever shouldered. 

He could barely believe Siwon as the man moved back to the table, pulling his chair out with one solid scraping sound. Siwon made up for it by sitting silently, folding his hands on top the table and staring at Kyuhyun wordlessly. 

“I shouldn’t have let things progresses,” Kyuhyun said. “I hurt you and I hurt myself. I know I’ve said it so much that you’re probably tried of hearing it, but I’m so deeply sorry. I will never do anything like this again in my life and I will spent a great deal of time thinking about the consequences of my actions.”

Dryly, Siwon asked him, “This started out as a bet?”

“Yes,” Kyuhyun said, quickly jumping at the chance to further their conversation.

“Cross dressing was part of the bet?”

Kyuhyun sighed. “No. The bet was to go to a Super Junior fan event and get proof in the form of signatures that I was actually there. Well, the truth is, I suggested the Super Junior event because I’d been following the group for a very long time. I’m a huge fan. I wasn’t lying about that.”

“And you thought dressing up as a girl would be the best way to get those signatures you needed?”

“No,” Kyuhyun said, cracking the tiniest of smiles. “I was just ashamed at the idea of anyone from my school or work seeing me there. Considering all that’s happened since then, I feel pretty stupid about it. I’m a fan, you know? I love the music and I respect how hard you all work. Why should I care if people judge me for being male and liking Super Junior?” He paused to gather his thoughts. “I thought I could blend in if I dressed as a girl, and it was only supposed to be for a few hours. Things just … got out of hand.”

Siwon was silent again for a while, and behind him the waitress was looking like she wanted to try inching her way over again.

“I saw you in line,” Siwon said abruptly. “I know I mentioned this before, but it bears repeating.”

“Oh.”

Wasn’t that every fan girl’s absolute dream? To be noticed by the idol they coveted? 

Kyuhyun wasn’t a girl and it was still his dream.

“I saw your hair first,” Siwon said, “because it stood out, but then I saw your face. I thought you had a unique beauty for a girl. But as a male, you’re handsome. And your face fits you better.”

Kyuhyun wasn’t sure in the least bit how to respond to such a compliment.

“You were …” Siwon looked crestfallen. “You were so prefect. Beautiful and smart, witty and funny, a little wise, a little adventurous, and everything that I wanted in a person.”

“That was all me, regardless of what gender I appeared to be,” Kyuhyun risked telling him.

Siwon gave a wry laugh. “And I was so confused. I was confused that I was attracted to you. It all makes sense now, however.”

Kyuhyun gave a deep frown. “You were … surprised?”

“I was,” Siwon replied, and gave Kyuhyung the kind of look that said he’d drown him in the nearest large body of water if he ever repeated what he was hearing.

Because … oh, god, Kyuhyun realized, Siwon was saying …

“I haven’t been attracted to a girl in a very long time,” Siwon said, tone perfectly even. “Because I’m not attracted to women in general. So imagine my surprise when I looked at you and saw someone I wanted to keep by my side. I fought so hard to keep you there. I fought so hard for something that was a lie.”

“The only thing that was a lie,” Kyuhyun implored to him, “was what you saw on the outside.”

Siwon waved a hand at him. “But it truly makes perfect sense now.”

“Maybe,” Kyuhyun said, leaning his elbows on the table.

“Maybe?”

Kyuhyun nodded. “Because gender is just a thing, Siwon, a classification. It’s something that people are attracted to on the basis of sexual gratification. What I felt for you during those hours we had together, went far beyond something like that. I was falling in love with the person you are. How you acted and talked and what you thought and felt. I wasn’t falling in love with your gender. Your gender is just part of you, and it isn’t what defines you.”

Siwon’s eyebrows rose slightly. “You don’t think gender is important in terms of sexual orientation?”

“I do,” Kyuhyun told him back. “I just know it didn’t matter as much to me, during dinner and then when we went to the market, as how good you made me feel about myself. I was aware the whole time that I was lying to you and myself. I was a fake. A fraud. But you were funny enough to make me forget, smart enough to keep me from lingering on what I was doing, and heartfelt enough to make me realize that you are a wonderful person, Siwon. You’re a wonderful person inside and out, and that has nothing to do with you being male. I hope, however you felt about me, had nothing to do with my gender, either.”

Siwon tapped a finger down on the table. “So what do we do now?”

Kyuhyun squeaked out a bigger smile, even if it was sadder than he wanted it to be. “We go on with our lives, Siwon. I go back to being Kyuhyun and try to pretend that Kyungji never existed. And you go back to Super Junior and date a bunch of supermodels and try to replace my pictures on all the blogs with some girl’s. Some girl who’s actually a girl.”

It was the right thing to do, even if Kyuhyun knew it would hurt deeply and terribly the first time he saw a picture of Siwon with anyone else.

“Did you miss the part where I said I’m not attracted to girls,” Siwon said, voice a low rumble. 

“Oh,” Kyuhyun breathed out.

“And,” Siwon continued, his words pinched tightly, “none of them would hold a candle to you.”

Kyuhyun was absolutely certain, without any kind of exaggeration, that his heart might have stuttered a bit.

“You can’t say these things to me,” Kyuhyun replied right away. He couldn’t hear the words and then go back to his old life.

“I can’t?” Siwon challenged. “I think you’ve said your fair share, and now it’s my turn. Agreed?”

Kyuhyun gave a silent nod.

“Then listen up,” Siwon said, leaning over the table. “That day I met you, regardless that I thought you were a girl or not, was an important day for me. I knew you were special from the start, Kyuhyun, even if I didn’t know how. And then I fought to get a date from you. You didn’t make things easy in the least bit, but I persevered, because I knew you were the embodiment of all the things I wanted in a partner. And I thought I’d found them in a girl, so I was excited.”

“I’m sor--”

Siwon gave him an almost lethal stare. “If you say you’re sorry one more time.”

Kyuhyun slammed his mouth closed.

It took a moment more, but then Siwon continued, “I tracked you down and got that date from you, probably more infatuated with you at the moment that you were with me. And that date, Kyuhyun, was amazing to me. You were so easy to talk to. You listened well and you gave me the kind of advice that seemed wise and relevant. We shared the same interests, you could make me laugh, and when we had to run from those photographers, you had fun. You splashed through the puddles like a kid and made a game of it, and I thought in that second that you were the kind of a girl that I could marry. You were the girl I could show to my parents to make them less disappointed that I’d told them before in the past there’d be no daughter in law or children from a marriage.”

Kyuhyun couldn’t help butting in, regardless of how angry he might make Siwon. “We went to that arcade and even though I knew I was weak for stretching the date out and agreeing to keep the lie going a little longer, all I could think about was how I was having the best time of my life. I’ve been on dates before but none of them wanted to play air hockey with me, or asked me my opinion, or cared if my feet hurt. You made me feel special. You made me feel wanted. I’m just sorry I had to hurt you in order to feel that.”

Siwon asked, “What would you have done if I had simply let you go? Any of those times you tried to?”

“Gone home,” Kyuhyun said a bit hopelessly, “and tried to forget you. I would have … never tried to trick you again, for any reason, if that’s what you think.”

“What did you feel when I kissed you?”

“Are you kidding?” Kyuhyun asked, splaying his legs out in front of him. He let his sweaty palms rest on his pants and he sighed almost wistfully. “I felt something. I felt a connection. I felt … something I can’t explain. But I felt it. And that’s part of the reason I struggled to let you go. Because when we kissed, it felt real. Even if nothing else did.”

“I felt the same,” Siwon said, and sounded so honest it hurt Kyuhyun’s heart.

“I let you go because I had to,” Kyuhyun said, “not because I wanted to.”

Siwon reached for his ice tea, the glass streaked with lines of condensation now. He curled his big hand around it, fingers splaying, and Kyuhyun could still remember what it felt like to be held by that had.

“Then you realize there’s only one thing left for us to do. There’s only one thing we can do, in order to save the situation.”

Kyuhyun gave a shaky nod. He could absolutely do this. He’d been prepared for the moment of their final parting before. And now he had his closure. Maybe he didn’t have Siwon’s forgiveness, but he could start to work on forgiving himself now.

“I know,” Kyuhyun said, feeling a little woozy. “We have to--”

“Hi.”

Kyuhyun startled as he stared down at the hand Siwon had extended towards him. “Hi?” he offered back, more than a little confused.

“I’m Choi Siwon,” he said to Kyuhyun, hand shaking in the slightest.

Reaching out for it with a hand that Kyuhyun knew he was sweaty and probably too warm, he returned, “I’m Cho Kyuhyun.”

Siwon gave Kyuhyun a firm nod and added, “It’s a little late for lunch, and I know you have to get back to your job soon, I have a schedule to make as well, but I was wondering if you’d like to get dinner with me some time?”

Kyuhyun leaned forward and whispered, “What are you doing?”

Siwon ignored him, releasing his hand and continuing, “I know we just met, but I think you’re very handsome. You also appear to be charming, smart, funny, and many other attractive qualities. I’d like to take you out to dinner, where I absolutely swear on my life there will be no photographers.”

Kyuhyun couldn’t dare to let himself hope. “You can’t promise that. And the risk, if someone saw you on a date with man … what that would do to you career …”

Siwon gave him a smug look. “I don’t know about you, Cho Kyuhyun, but some things in life are worth taking a risk over. Sometimes, people are worth taking the greatest risks on. Do you agree?”

It wasn’t just Siwon’s life that would be turned upside down if anything got out. And there was absolutely no guarantee that anything with Siwon would work out in the end, anyway.

But Kyuhyun wasn’t just in love with the idea of the man anymore. He was most certainly in love with the man himself. 

“I do,” Kyuhyun said slowly, hardly able to believe this was happening. “For the right person, I’d risk everything.”

“Beef then?” Siwon asked.

“Kobe,” Kyuhyun cut out with a smile. “And wine.”

Siwon settled back in his chair. “Okay, Kyuhyun. But come as you are? I’m not into dresses or wigs. Got it?”

With the waitress heading towards them with a sense of determination, Kyuhyun felt the first real smile in days, stretch across his face. “Not a problem.”


	6. Six: Changmin

If Changmin had known sixteen years previous, back when he’d been such a young, impressionable baby, that being Kyuhyun’s friend was going to cause him such a huge amount of drama and trouble, he might have steered clear of him on that first day of school.

Because if being Kyuhyun’s friend was an Olympic sport, then Changmin had been winning the gold every four years since that first time he sat down nervously on the checkered rug in their shared kindergarten class, and spied Kyuhyun’s race car shirt. To be fair, at least, to a four year old, race car shirts were indicative to levels of coolness. Not levels of future trouble.

“This is so awesome!” Minho shouted, off his feet and bouncing wildly with Jonghyun in perfect unison.

Okay, so maybe Changmin had to admit things with Kyuhyun hadn’t turned into a total disaster. 

And Changmin had very much earned the currently happening Super Junior concert, not to mention his front row spot.

“Best night of my life!” Jonghyun agreed loudly, barely heard over the squeals and shouts of the thousands of girls around them.

Changmin risked a look over to Kyuhyun who was cheering just as enthusiastically. 

He probably didn’t even know there were a dozen guys other in Super Junior. Or sixty thousand fans in the arena. From the look on Kyuhyun’s face, and the way he was locked onto Siwon’s tall form, Changmin very much doubted either of them knew anyone but the other was in attendance.

Part of Changmin thought it was downright hilarious the way the girls in their section were practically falling over each other whenever Siwon looked to Kyuhyun’s general area. If only they actually knew where his gaze was actually traveling going.

Minho reached over to tug frantically on Kyuhyun’s jacket. “You have the best connections ever!”

Changmin felt Kyuhyun’s gaze slide away from Siwon for a second, and over to Changmin who was standing next to him. They’d both agreed to keep the truth of Siwon’s relationship with Kyuhyun just between them. Minho was a trustworthy friend, one that they both cared for deeply, but he was a little young. And Jonghyun had been with them almost since the beginning, but it just felt safer with fewer people knowing.

Eventually Changmin thought they entire kyuline would be let in on the secret, but for now Minho, Jonghyun and the media seemed to think that Kyuhyun and Siwon were best friends, and it needed to stay that way. Changmin had absolutely no idea how many members of Super Junior knew the truth.

Strutting across stage, Siwon blew a kiss to Kyuhyun and clearly, if the shrieks behind them were any indication, every girl in their section thought that kiss was personally for her.

“So greasy,” Kyuhyun mouthed to Siwon, but Changmin could see on his face that he was pleased with the action. The hell if Kyuhyun didn’t enjoy playing with fire, or maybe his relationship with Siwon was fire itself.

But the relationship. Changmin just didn’t understand it. He frankly couldn’t see what Kyuhyun saw in Siwon. Maybe it was a relationship based on lust, and god knew Kyuhyun liked to boast about their sex life often enough, making Changmin beg for mercy. Siwon was attractive. He was honestly overly attractive. But personality wise? That Changmin didn’t get. Siwon was too reserved and too quiet for Changmin to find anything interesting about him.

He supposed all that mattered was that Kyuhyun liked Siwon’s personality, and they worked well together. 

And after six, almost seven months, they didn’t look to be stopping their awkwardly ignited whirlwind romance any time soon.

“You like it,” Changmin said, elbowing Kyuhyun in the side.

Changmin hadn’t thought Kyuhyun and Siwon would make it six weeks, let alone six months. And not just because Kyuhyun had lied to him from the start, and Siwon had thought Kyuhyun was a girl. No, it had more to do with how boring Siwon seemed to Changmin, and how not boring Kyuhyun was. Kyuhyun was the kind of person who had trouble sitting still, who always needed to be going places and doing things, and a restrictive relationship wasn’t something Changmin thought Kyuhyun could tie himself down with.

Tie himself down with? Siwon and Kyuhyun were practically married at this point.

Minho gave an embarrassingly loud scream as Super Junior began to transition to their new song, something more recent that had been blowing up the charts, and that Changmin had most certainly heard Kyuhyun singing obnoxiously on several occasions.

Changmin pressed his mouth near Kyuhyun’s mouth and shouted to be heard, “I think Minho’s the one who’s in love!”

Kyuhyun laughed, but Changmin truly understood.

Kyuhyun was in love.

Changmin’s loud, brash, often too prideful and tactless friend, was actually in love. Kyuhyun had proverbial hearts in his eyes when he looked at Siwon, and Kyuhyun wasn’t the type to give his heart away easily. 

That, if anything, justified to Changmin having to track down Siwon and force him to stop acting like he was the only person on the planet who’d ever been lied to or hurt. So maybe he deserved a better apology from Kyuhyun, and a masterful explanation, but Changmin hadn’t done it for Siwon. He’d done if for Kyuhyun, who was Changmin’s brother in every way but blood, and who Changmin couldn’t stand to see truly suffering.

“Talk to him,” he’d told Siwon, arms crossed defiantly over his chest. “Talk to him and let him explain himself. You spent a couple days with him. You don’t know him like I do. He likes to play pranks and jokes on people, but he doesn’t hurt them on purpose.”

Siwon had threatened, “I’ll call security on you.”

That hadn’t perturbed Changmin in the least bit. “Go ahead,” he’d said callously. “I know your whole schedule for the next two months. I’ll be there every time you step foot outside your dorm, every time you go to a broadcast, and whenever you even think about leaving for a meal or any other reason. I will haunt you like the ghost of Christmas past.”

“All because you want me to listen to your friend tell me how sorry he is for making a fool of me?”

“No,” Changmin said gruffly, eyes narrowing. “Because I am watching the person I care most for in this world blame himself for yes, something that he got himself into, but also something that he tried desperately to protect you from. He tried to end things with you, if you’ll recall. And he did everything in his power to keep this whole mess from getting out to the public. Anyone else would have sold their story already. Anyone else would have made your life hell. But he is not like that, and if you just do this, you’ll never have to worry about him or what happened, ever again.”

Changmin had sighed then, truly feeling desperate.

“What do you really want from me?”

“Let him say his peace,” Changmin had said, and it was all he could do for Kyuhyun. “Let him explain himself and truly tell you how sorry he is. So that he can have some closure and start to move past this. Or, like I said, I can keep badgering you. It’s your choice. Months, maybe years of seeing my face everywhere, or five minutes you give to him so this can be over. Make your choice.”

He’d given Siwon the illusion of choice, but in reality there had only been one outcome of their meeting. Changmin had seen how broken up about the whole mess Kyuhyun was. He had seen his best friend hurting deeper than at any other time in his life. Changmin had seen the need in Kyuhyun, to get his closure. Changmin was not going back without Siwon agreeing to meet with Kyuhyun. 

The crowd gave another roar of approval and Changmin lifted his own hands to his mouth, trying to funnel a bigger whoop. He wasn’t the biggest Super Junior fan ever, but he was, actually and unexpectedly, having a good time. And he had half a dozen phone numbers from girls in his pocket already, with the promise of many more. Who’d have thought being one of very few guys at a Super Junior concert was a good thing?

Kyuhyun waved his Super Junior banner in front of Changmin’s face and shouted to be heard, “It’s not completely horrible, right?”

It really wasn’t. And any pain on the planet would have been worth the look on Kyuhyun’s face.

“It’s a little like drinking paint thinner!”

Kyuhyun socked him hard in the shoulder. “Liar!”

Changmin only shook his head and turned his attention back to the stage. He let his shoulder brush against Kyuhyun’s and he tried to savor the moment of their time spent together. It wouldn’t be long before they were parted.

And it was only two days later that Changmin found himself driving Kyuhyun to the airport. He had his best friend’s suitcase in the trunk and he was not at all oblivious to the way Kyuhyun’s knee was bouncing nervously as the airport came into sight.

“You sure you want to do this?” Changmin asked, giving Kyuhyun a concerned look. “You can always stay here and annoy me to death. It’s like our routine now.”

Kyuhyun cracked a smile. “I’m sure.”

Changmin sighed and told himself not to try and talk Kyuhyun out of going. Instead he merely commented, “China is a really long way away.”

“I know,” Kyuhyun said, his passport in hand. “But it’s only for three weeks. School has a break for two of those, and I already cleared the third week with all my professors. Changmin, don’t get sentimental on me, you won’t even miss me.”

“Miss you?” Changmin snorted. “Are you serious, I can kick you out of the car right now to speed up the process. I’m talking about you leaving me alone with Jonghyun and Minho. I loathe the fact that I have to admit it, but you keep them in line.”

The passenger loading zone was coming up fast and Changmin wondered if Kyuhyun would really come back at all. Maybe he’d be seduced by the glamorous lifestyle that Siwon had been attempting to woo him with for months. In China there would likely be fewer cameras and more chances for Kyuhyun and Siwon to extend their options, and if Changmin had to go all the way to China to drag his best friend home, he wasn’t going to be happy.

Gruffly, and with some difficulty, Changmin said, “I will miss you.”

He rolled the car to a stop just as Kyuhyun said, “Super Junior-M is going to be promoting in China for three months. At least. I’m only going for three weeks. I mean, Siwon did offer those three weeks to be three months, but I turned him down. I want to go and support him, and get to share his free time with him. I want to go and hang out with all of the members that I’ve become close with, especially Ryeowook and Leeteuk. But I also haven’t changed my mind about wanting the life I have now. I want to come back to my job and school and you and just be a normal guy.”

Changmin asked suspiciously, “What if Siwon offers you a duet? What if he tries to bribe you with your own song?”

“What makes you think he already hasn’t?”

Changmin turned the car off and popped the trunk. “Has he?”

They climbed from the car to head to the trunk and Kyuhyun shook his head. “He hasn’t. That’s not the point. The point is, I want to go to China for a small vacation. But that’s just it. A vacation.”

Changmin lifted Kyuhyun’s suitcase from the trunk for him and closed the lid. “Super Junior won’t even be in China until Friday. Why are you going now?”

“You have to ask?” a deep, soothing voice asked from behind.

Changmin didn’t have had to see the face of the voice, to know who it was. Not with the way Kyuhyun was beaming like a spotlight.

“Thank you,” Kyuhyun said pointedly, “for driving me to the airport, and for being a really good friend.”

“Our friendship is severely uneven,” Changmin told him.

Kyuhyun cut him a smile. “I’ll bring you back a souvenir to make up for it.”

“Ha.” Changmin rolled his eyes. “As if the debt could be so easily corrected.”

“Kyu,” Siwon said, his hand ghosting along Kyuhyun’s arm. “I already checked my bag in. Why don’t you go get that done really quick while I have a word with Changmin?”

Kyuhyun gave them both an equally odd look, then nodded slowly, reached for his suitcase handle and told Changmin firmly, “I’ll see you in three weeks. And I’ll text.”

“Don’t forget my souvenir!” Changmin waited until Kyuhyun was out of view to ask Siwon, his disguise atrocious but impressive, “We need to have words?”

Siwon gave him a long suffering look. “I simply meant that I wanted to promise you I will take care of him. I know you’re best friends and you’re worried.”

“Of course I’m worried,” Changmin said a little testy. “Kyuhyun’s never been to China before, and he’s essentially going to be there so you can conveniently have a booty call whenever you have the time for it.”

“That’s hardly why I’m bringing him.”

Changmin curled his fingers into fists and took an even breath. “Watch him like a hawk, okay? Don’t let him get into trouble. And for god sakes, don’t get yourselves exposed. Kyuhyun doesn’t want to be in the spotlight. It might come out eventually, but it shouldn’t come out now. I don’t want to see him hurt because of your crazy, dumb fans.”

Siwon peered at him from behind dark glasses. “You have my word.”

“And you bring him back in one piece!”

“Of course.”

Changmin rubbed a hand over his forehead. “Thank you.” It wasn’t an easy thing, thanking the person he often felt was snatching his best friend away. But no matter how he felt about Siwon, he knew the man had deep feelings for Kyuhyun, probably even loved him, and he would take care of Kyuhyun while Super Junior promoted in China.

“Here.”

Changmin frowned at the small slip of paper Siwon held out to him. “What’s this?”

“Just take it,” Siwon said a bit tiredly. “I suppose, if we’re going to be truthful here, at least in some part, I have you to thank for my relationship with Kyuhyun. And despite what I see most often, he’s assured me you’re capable of being a gentleman. So take this and be one.”

He was off then, likely hunting down Kyuhyun, before Changmin even got the paper open.

Changmin squinted down at the sprawl of numbers and the name next to it:

Victoria.

Once in a while, though not often, Kyuhyun attended parties either for, or hosted by Super Junior. And Changmin went with him usually, where he mingled with all kinds of people, most of them in the music industry. But he couldn’t remember …

Her face hit him like a ton of bricks the moment he remembered meeting her. It had been almost a full month ago, and she’d been painfully shy at first, then funny and sweet and that was besides being drop dead gorgeous. Victoria. From the girl group f(x). What a firecracker.

“Alright,” Changmin said, sliding the paper into his pocket as he headed back to the car. 

He’d absolutely miss Kyuhyun while he was away in China, but with any luck, he’d have a date with a gorgeous girl to hold him over. Like Kyuhyun, Changmin had almost no desire to be in the spotlight, but even he had to admit, the number burning a hole in his pocket, the perks were pretty good.

And when Kyuhyun came back a little late, three and a half weeks to be exact, looking refreshed and happier than ever, Changmin couldn’t wait to tell him all about his new girlfriend. Though he’d never admit that being indebted to Siwon for anything, it wasn’t the worst thing in the world. He still had his pride. 

He was sure Kyuhyun understood.

 

________________________________________________________________________

 

And so another story comes to an end!

Quickly, I just want to say, my typical story is not this. It’s usually pretty long, filled to the brim with heavy drama and angst, usually has some kind of complicated plot, and requires a lot of emotional investment from readers. So this story is really me trying to do something different for once. I wanted a shorter story, one with a touch of humor, lightness even in the drama, and just something quirky. I hope I achieved that.

Regardless, the response I’ve gotten from this story has been amazing. I’m so touched and so honored that so man of you have enjoyed the story, left wonderful comments, and continuously come back for more and more. So again, as always, this is the only time I will ever ask for people to leave comments. The story is done, the epilogue is up, and I want to know what you think. Tell me something--tell me anything. Just leave me feedback on this final chapter.

Thank you all so much and I’ll be back soon with a new story.


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